Partners in Parenting 1/19/16

Partners in Parenting

“Cutting wood warms the body twice!” (often quoted by my dad)

Over Christmas Break, I worked with my brother-in-law for a day cutting wood.  Last summer, a tornado went through my hometown and just south of my parent’s home.  The woods are full of trees torn apart by the wind from that tornado.  We were cutting the trees into pieces to drag to the edge of the woods.  From there, we can cut them into smaller lengths and split them for the fireplace.

It reminded me of all the time spent cutting wood with my dad when I was growing up.  My dad always said, “Cutting wood warms the body twice!”  It made me think about how God’s love warms the hearts of people.  However, for God’s love to warm the heart, we have to engage in allowing His love to be a part of our life to feel the effects.  Just like if I look at the wood, but I never cut it and burn it; it can’t even warm me once, let alone twice.  God’s love won’t warm our heart if we never actually engage in all that His love is.  His love is for us every day, but it is most evident in sending Jesus to be our Savior.  So how do we engage God’s love?  There are many ways.  Here’s a VERY short list:

Look at nature to see His work, worship with other Christians, pray, praise Him with songs or music, read your Bible, love others, (keep the list going as a family this week) etc.

Family Discussion Points!

As a family, finish this sentence and talk about it:  “Cutting wood warms the body twice, but God’s love warms the heart _____________!”

Parents, tell you kids about a time you had to do hard physical labor as a kid.

Share with your family things that you do together that make you feel really good (“warm”) inside.

Partners in Parenting 1/4/16

Partners in Parenting

“Motivation!”

Motivation is a funny thing!  I hear parents share stories sometimes about their child’s “lack of motivation.”  Motivation can indeed be a good thing.  Motivation can be a result of a need or a desired outcome.  A person can be motivated to exercise by the:

• Need that the doctor shared to be more healthy or
• The desired outcome of feeling better as you live life.

I was motivated last summer to start running once…I was stung by a bee after upsetting its nest while doing some yard work, and I had the need to run from the whole swarm of bees for the desired outcome of getting away from pain!  Yes, pain can motivate!  Physical pain, emotional pain, social pain, etc. can all motivate people’s actions.

Here’s the real thing to consider.  Why does pain or negativity have to be what motivates us so often? 

Think about it.  Can you imagine telling a child, “Eat all your vegetables because they will make you healthy and strong,” and then find them gobbling up all the vegetables on their plate immediately?  Would that happen at your house?  Or would a better motivational scenario in your house be like this:  “Eat all your vegetables or you’ll have no dessert and no screen time tonight.”  I know what motivates my kids, and I bet you know what motivates yours.  In the end, it is probably most often the same thing that motivates us as adults – avoiding some kind of pain.

What does God have to say about motivation, though?  God asks us to love as he has loved us.  I’m really intrigued by helping myself and my kids be motivated by love instead of pain.  I don’t think it will be easy, but it will be beneficial!!

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”  John 15:12

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about motivation for doing homework or going to work.  What motivates you to do those things?

Is pain avoidance a primary motivator in life?  Why?

If your family was motivated by love instead of pain avoidance, how would everyday events look different in your home?  Talk about waking up, homework, supper, chores, etc.

Partners in Parenting 12/14/15

“Look and really see!”

The Christmas song, “Do You Hear What I Hear?” starts with an interesting line that has nothing to do with hearing.  Here it is:

“Said the night wind to the little lamb,

Do you see what I see?

Way up in the sky, little lamb,

Do you see what I see?”

As you enjoy Christmas as a family, I would love to have you consider what you see and hear.  I don’t mean for you to merely see with your eyes, but possibly the best way to describe what I mean is to ask you to see with your heart.

For instance, take a look at the picture here.  At first glance, I see:

• Table
• Poster
• coloring books
• crayons 

That is what my eyes see.  But my heart sees something more meaningful and much deeper.  My heart sees:

• A student taking initiative to help students at Children’s Hospital to have something to do during their stay
• A school coming together to serve others
• A parent of another student deciding to join the cause by making cookies to raise money for more crayons and coloring books
• A public school cheer team hearing about the project and joining efforts for kids
• An idea becoming a reality for the benefit of others
• Jesus’ love at work

The heart sees way more than the eyes.  God’s heart saw humanity’s need, and he sent his Son, Jesus, to be our Savior.  As you celebrate Christmas, I pray all our families see things with their heart, not just their eyes!

Family Discussion Points!

Play a game of “I Spy” with your kids with physical things.  Then try it with things of the heart like this:  I spy someone serving our family by helping with the dishes or laundry, etc.

Parents, talk about the excitement of seeing your kids opening gifts.  What in your heart makes that event so exciting?

Finally, talk to your kids about how God saw our greatest need and sent Jesus to be our Savior. 

Partners in Parenting 12/7/15

“Gaining Perspective!”

Take a look at the picture.  Can you guess what it is?  It is a close up of something.  Talk with your kids, because they have a better shot at guessing it than most of the parents do.

Yes, I know it is out of focus!  Yes, I know it isn’t fair of me to ask this question. Yes, I am aware that it is hard to figure out!  Would it help if I put a $100 reward on the table for the first person who figures it out???  Or is it just plain not worth your time??

I’m sharing this picture because I have had so many events happen in my life lately where people are struggling with an issue due to a lack of perspective.  It is our tendency as humans to live in the moment as though the moment is all that matters.  This is a belief that Satan would love for us to have because it makes his job of tempting us so much easier.  It is pretty easy to deceive someone whose perspective on life is out of focus on the “big picture.”  It is more difficult to deceive someone whose perspective on life is laser focused on the “big picture.”

Parents, I want to challenge you to take a look at the activities of your kids’ lives, and look at them from a “big picture” perspective.  Allow me to help you!

This is the truth!

• A recent study indicated that 26% of parents with a high school athlete believed their child has enough talent to play that sport professionally.  The real number is a tiny fraction of a tiny fraction of 1%.
• I can’t remember which students at Trinity had a detention in October.  I’d have to check our records to find out.
• I can’t recall my grades from grade school or high school.  I just remember my parents being happy if I did my best and equally frustrated if I wasn’t doing my best.
• Since graduating from college, nobody has ever commented to me about my GPA.  They have commented on my character though.

In other words, much of the stuff in life doesn’t matter as much as we make it out to matter.  Seems God always keeps a “big picture” look at us, and maybe we should look at ourselves, our kids, and others that way more often as well!

“No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”  Romans 8:37

Family Discussion Points!

Take a look at the picture!  Have every family member take a guess!

Ask your children to read something as fast as possible by holding the paper so close that their nose touches the paper.  Laugh with them, not at them!!! J

Discuss places where your family has lost perspective!

(see the back of the Tweet to see a “big picture” perspective of the picture above)

Partners in Parenting 11/30/15

“It’s Getting Kind of Heavy!”

The heavy snow we got last week was so beautiful.  The snow was wet, so I saw lots of snowmen being built.  The first good snow of the year had lots of kids excited for the opportunity to play in it.  As I drove down the road, I was amazed at the way the snow made all the trees look like each branch was completely white.  It all looked majestic…

…until I woke up the next morning!  My 25 foot tall pear tree was quite different from the heavy snow.  The middle of the tree was all hallowed out.  The branch that broke extended to the peak of the tree, but now it was laying on the ground.

 

The snow was beautiful, but it was heavy.  The stress caused by the weight of the snow was more than that branch could bear.  As I worked to clean up the tree later in the day, I was reminded how life can get that way sometimes.  It just gets “heavy.”  As a parent, I don’t get to just focus on parenting.  I wish I could, but God has given me things to do besides being a parent.  It gets hard when I manage so many other competing things.  So, how does a person keep from “breaking” when things get really “heavy?” 

I don’t have a perfect answer, but I know that for me, I need to remind myself to remove things that don’t matter to God and my family in order to find some relief.  Just think!  If that tree could have removed some snow from its branches while the snow kept falling, it would still be completely intact today.  Especially at Christmas, things get pretty “heavy” with all the things to do, but really, we might be wise to remove some of those things that don’t matter so we don’t “break” under all the stress!  Start with a focus on God and then your family, and see what you can get rid of in the weeks ahead.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  Like 10: 41,42

 

Family Discussion Points!

Have every family member share their favorite Christmas tradition that they don’t want to have stop.  Protect all those things as a family!

Consider and talk about what God thinks would be most important about Christmas time for us today if He were to tell us.  Protect these things too!

Consider getting rid of some of the “heavy” things, OR reducing your time spent on them if you are not able to eliminate them.

Partners in Parenting 11/9/15

Partners in Parenting

“Body Language usually SCREAMS!”

In doing some professional reading this past week, I read a paragraph about teachers engaging students through their body language.  Body language makes up over 50% of communication most of the time – in other words:  It SCREAMS!  I immediately thought of my own body language when talking to my kids at home.  So I came up with an idea for this week.  I will follow these rules:

1. I will not speak to any family member while looking at a screen (phone, TV, tablet, iPad, anything with a screen).  WOW, I didn’t realize how much I’d have to focus on that.  This let’s them know they have my full attention.
2. I will always look at the person I am talking to – even if I have to move into the room where they are located.  This lets them know I am truly interested.
3. I will turn my body toward any family member that is talking to me unless it isn’t necessary because we are all sitting at the table together.  This lets them know I care about what they are saying.
4. I will end all conversations with some kind of a “thank you for sharing” kind of a comment to validate the time spent in conversation.

I made the rules up, but it is taking effort to live by them.  I hope the results at the end of the week include a closer relationship and better communication with all my family members.  We will see, but I don’t think this can be a bad idea!

Family Discussion Points!

Parents - pick a rule or two or three or four to follow for the week and see what God does in your relationships.

No real discussion except to talk with your spouse and/or children about what they noticed at the end of the week.

Partners in Parenting 11/3/15

Partners in Parenting

“I realized I wasn’t alone after all!”

That title might sound like a memorable line from a horror movie, but it is a thought I had the other day.  Here’s what happened:

My family had just all left the house, and I had the place to myself.  Nobody to bother me for anything.  Peace and quiet were all mine.  I had some reading to do, but I was free to take a nap if I wanted to do that instead.  I was so thankful for the moment. UNTIL…

“Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap-tap, tap, tap-tap-tap-tap, tap, (long pause) tap, tap, tap-tap-tap, tap!’  And it was loud.  I realized I wasn’t alone after all.  I followed the sound to the kitchen to the right of our stove.  I heard an animal in the wall or ceiling tapping or biting, hitting, or doing something to try to get out.  I tried to locate the exact spot where the critter was at, but I couldn’t.  I finally went upstairs to my daughter’s bedroom.  The noise was even louder there.  I spent almost an hour trying to figure out the source of the noise.  I couldn’t do it, and I couldn’t relax any longer.  I was completely frustrated. I decided to go outside to get some work done out there and escape the maddening and repetitive noise of the house.

I walked into the garage to hear nothing but, “tap, tap, tap-tap-tap, tap, tap-tap!”

After more investigating and patiently trying to locate the source of the sound, I solved the mystery.  The source of the noise was a downy woodpecker.  That is a lot of noise from a little bird.  It was pecking a hole in the cedar on the side of the house.  It didn’t seem to mind that I was there looking at it.  I scared it away, and it hasn’t been back since.  Tonight, I have to go fill the 2 large holes with caulk.

I was a bit frustrated because I lost so much time to be alone in my house.  However, it also reminded me that I am never alone.  God is with me every moment of my life, and He always will be.  Funny that a woodpecker could annoy me so much, and in the end, make me think about God’s amazing love!

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  Deuteronomy 31:8

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about times you think or feel alone.  Are you really ever alone?

Talk about whether it makes you more brave when you realize God is always with you.

Spend some alone time with God at least once this week.  Just spend some time in silence talking to the only one around – God!