Partners in Parenting

“Critical Conversations!”

I think every once in a while, something brings about the opportunity for a parent and child to have a pretty significant and critical conversation.  MY MIND IS CHANGED!!  Here is what happened to me last week:

I had one of my kids at the orthodontist for an appointment.  Shortly after we were seated, a mom and her daughter arrived and checked in.  The mom sat two seats away from me.  The daughter sat across the room and wouldn’t make eye contact with mom.  The daughter was about 12 years old with straight hair pulled back in a ponytail.  She was not skinny; nor was she heavy.  Mom was about 50 years old, wearing a skirt, and “made up to the hilt” while wearing canvas Converse All-Stars.  Mom picked up a magazine and started turning the pages.  She then called out loud to her daughter and she told her daughter to come over by her.  The daughter did just what mom told her to do.  Mom did all the speaking from then until the daughter was called back to see the doctor.  Here are the actual words I heard out of mom’s mouth:

“Wow!  Look how skinny and beautiful she is.  She is gorgeous!  Don’t you think so?  (No response)

“Yuck, can you believe that girl would wear that?  It all looks hideous and does nothing for her figure.”

“Ah.  Honey!  Look at her curly hair.  I LOVE curly hair.  I think it looks so amazing and a bit sexy too.”

“Who do you think is the prettiest girl on this page?”

“OOOHHHH, look at him.  I think he is adorable!”

The daughter was called back to see the doctor and left without ever saying a word.  Incredibly, once the daughter was gone, mom reached into her large purse and pulled out some knitting to work on. 

I don’t want to get into what I wanted to do or say.  I’ve already asked God to forgive me for that.  However, here is what I learned --- EVERY conversation with my kids is a critical conversation.  Every time I open my mouth, they are learning something about me; about them; about what I believe; about what I want them to believe; about God; about Satan; about life and how to live it; about life and how NOT to live it; etc.  Yikes! 

Paul gave some final instructions to the church in Colosse that seem appropriate for what I heard.  “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”  Colossians 4:6

Family Discussion Points!

Before bed this entire week, share a word of encouragement for the next day to your child(ren).

Parents, talk about the quality of your speech in your home and what that teaches your kids.

Consider how often or rare you have these two things in your home:  1) conversations – two way communication, not just directions and 2) conversations filled with grace.  Make it a habit to have at least two this week!

Partners in Parenting

“Hold on Tight or Hold on Loosely?!”

This past weekend, I was enjoying some time in the woods with my son.  We heard thunder in the distance, but honestly, we heard that in the morning and only got a few sprinkles.  Once we realized we were in for a whole lot more than a few sprinkles, I sent my son down out of our tree stand while I gathered up all our hunting stuff.  Just as I was ready to start climbing down from the tree stand, the wind blew so hard that I had to hold on to the tree for my own safety.  While I was still holding on tightly to the tree, the rain started.  Not regular rain – monsoon-style rain.  For about a minute, I just held on tight to that tree.  Once on the ground, we started our walk to the truck.

On the drive home, I thought about how being a parent is sometimes like holding on to that tree.  Out of fear, I held on tight to that tree.  Out of fear, I sometimes hold on too tight to my kids.  Kids need experiences as they grow and mature.  Experiences bring about inherent risk and danger.  For instance, soccer is fun, but you can get hurt.  Should I let them play soccer or protect them from injury.  Soccer isn’t evil, so letting them play would be fine.  That is a simple example of finding balance with parenting.  Evil is what we should avoid.  “Hold on loosely, but don’t let go” was the line from a 38 Special song a few years back.  That describes balance with many things of parenting.  Holding on tight can be useful if we truly fear evil things for our children, but most of the time, holding on loosely will suffice. 

“Test everything.  Hold on to the good.  Avoid every kind of evil.”  I Thessalonians 5:21, 22

Family Discussion Points!

Parents only:  Talk about where you are holding on too tightly with your parenting.

Talk about lots of fun activities that involve risk every time you do them, but you do them anyway.  Why still do them??

Holding on more loosely will be very stressful as a parent.  It is helpful to daily pray to God that He will keep your kids in His care.  He does whether you pray it or not, but it is helpful that you acknowledge it daily!!

Partners in Parenting

“How’s Your Day Going?”

“How’s your day going” is a question most adults probably get asked at least five times every day in one way or another.  Since last week, whenever someone asks me that question, I immediately think of one of our Kindergarten students.  Here is why:

Last week, we had all the Kindergartners and most of their parents too, in the office before school for a few days so we could check the Kindergartners for head lice.  Mrs. Knopf and I checked students one at a time while others waited their turn.  For the most part, the kids didn’t mind getting checked.  The parents, however, were a nervous wreck while we methodically looked through their child’s hair.  Once we said, “You’re good!” to their child, parents began to actually breathe againJ  One child’s response has stuck with me every day since checking her.  She sat down in the chair in front of me.  Once I started checking her hair, she said, “You know what, Mr. Petzold?”  “What’s that, Sweetheart?” was my reply.  (Now I’m expecting her to tell me about her socks, a pillow at home, or some other random thing 5-year olds will talk about.)  Instead she joyfully says, “This is one beautiful day!”  My heart warmed as I affirmed the truth she had just shared.  Despite lice checks, worried parents, worried students and all the challenges of life, it’s a beautiful day when lived with Jesus.  I am trying to have that perspective every day.  The things you can learn from a 5-year old!!!

“This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”  Psalm 118:24

Family Discussion Points!

Share highs and lows this week of each day.  In essence, ask the question:  How’s your day going?

Some days are great, and some are messy.  How do we rejoice in every day, not just the great ones? 

Staying positive in difficult situations is helpful for getting through the situation.  Talk about at least 3 positive things about your family because every family has difficult times…

Partners in Parenting

Partners in Parenting

Simply Amazing!

I took a photo on my cell phone of one of the Blue Angel planes last Friday as they were practicing.  I’ve seen the Blue Angels on TV, but seeing them live and “low” like they were Thursday and Friday was simply amazing!  I didn’t get to the air show this past weekend, but I hope all of you got to get a glimpse of them at some point.  We had students, teachers, parents, and other staff all outside last week to watch them just “do what they do” in those jets.

As I left the parking lot and returned to my office, I kept thinking about how amazing those jets are; how amazing the pilots are; how amazing it is to watch them “do what they do.” 

Then, a sobering thought came to mind.  Do I think God’s love is as amazing as those jets?  Do I look at the Blue Angels in absolute awe while taking God’s love for granted?  I’m actually glad I had that thought because the Blue Angels suddenly became some random guys I don’t know flying some blue airplanes.  They aren’t as impressive as God’s love for us.  I spent a lot of time in awe of them last week, and I wish I’d spent as much time in awe of God’s love for me.  It is simply amazing!

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  John 3:16

Family Discussion Points!

Have every family member name something they thought was very cool or amazing when they saw it.

Talk about God’s love… how it is more amazing than anything because it changes everything.  Because of his love we are forgiven and will never perish in hell!