Partners in Parenting

“Critical Conversations!”

I think every once in a while, something brings about the opportunity for a parent and child to have a pretty significant and critical conversation.  MY MIND IS CHANGED!!  Here is what happened to me last week:

I had one of my kids at the orthodontist for an appointment.  Shortly after we were seated, a mom and her daughter arrived and checked in.  The mom sat two seats away from me.  The daughter sat across the room and wouldn’t make eye contact with mom.  The daughter was about 12 years old with straight hair pulled back in a ponytail.  She was not skinny; nor was she heavy.  Mom was about 50 years old, wearing a skirt, and “made up to the hilt” while wearing canvas Converse All-Stars.  Mom picked up a magazine and started turning the pages.  She then called out loud to her daughter and she told her daughter to come over by her.  The daughter did just what mom told her to do.  Mom did all the speaking from then until the daughter was called back to see the doctor.  Here are the actual words I heard out of mom’s mouth:

“Wow!  Look how skinny and beautiful she is.  She is gorgeous!  Don’t you think so?  (No response)

“Yuck, can you believe that girl would wear that?  It all looks hideous and does nothing for her figure.”

“Ah.  Honey!  Look at her curly hair.  I LOVE curly hair.  I think it looks so amazing and a bit sexy too.”

“Who do you think is the prettiest girl on this page?”

“OOOHHHH, look at him.  I think he is adorable!”

The daughter was called back to see the doctor and left without ever saying a word.  Incredibly, once the daughter was gone, mom reached into her large purse and pulled out some knitting to work on. 

I don’t want to get into what I wanted to do or say.  I’ve already asked God to forgive me for that.  However, here is what I learned --- EVERY conversation with my kids is a critical conversation.  Every time I open my mouth, they are learning something about me; about them; about what I believe; about what I want them to believe; about God; about Satan; about life and how to live it; about life and how NOT to live it; etc.  Yikes! 

Paul gave some final instructions to the church in Colosse that seem appropriate for what I heard.  “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”  Colossians 4:6

Family Discussion Points!

Before bed this entire week, share a word of encouragement for the next day to your child(ren).

Parents, talk about the quality of your speech in your home and what that teaches your kids.

Consider how often or rare you have these two things in your home:  1) conversations – two way communication, not just directions and 2) conversations filled with grace.  Make it a habit to have at least two this week!