Partners in Parenting 12/14/15

“Look and really see!”

The Christmas song, “Do You Hear What I Hear?” starts with an interesting line that has nothing to do with hearing.  Here it is:

“Said the night wind to the little lamb,

Do you see what I see?

Way up in the sky, little lamb,

Do you see what I see?”

As you enjoy Christmas as a family, I would love to have you consider what you see and hear.  I don’t mean for you to merely see with your eyes, but possibly the best way to describe what I mean is to ask you to see with your heart.

For instance, take a look at the picture here.  At first glance, I see:

• Table
• Poster
• coloring books
• crayons 

That is what my eyes see.  But my heart sees something more meaningful and much deeper.  My heart sees:

• A student taking initiative to help students at Children’s Hospital to have something to do during their stay
• A school coming together to serve others
• A parent of another student deciding to join the cause by making cookies to raise money for more crayons and coloring books
• A public school cheer team hearing about the project and joining efforts for kids
• An idea becoming a reality for the benefit of others
• Jesus’ love at work

The heart sees way more than the eyes.  God’s heart saw humanity’s need, and he sent his Son, Jesus, to be our Savior.  As you celebrate Christmas, I pray all our families see things with their heart, not just their eyes!

Family Discussion Points!

Play a game of “I Spy” with your kids with physical things.  Then try it with things of the heart like this:  I spy someone serving our family by helping with the dishes or laundry, etc.

Parents, talk about the excitement of seeing your kids opening gifts.  What in your heart makes that event so exciting?

Finally, talk to your kids about how God saw our greatest need and sent Jesus to be our Savior. 

Partners in Parenting 12/7/15

“Gaining Perspective!”

Take a look at the picture.  Can you guess what it is?  It is a close up of something.  Talk with your kids, because they have a better shot at guessing it than most of the parents do.

Yes, I know it is out of focus!  Yes, I know it isn’t fair of me to ask this question. Yes, I am aware that it is hard to figure out!  Would it help if I put a $100 reward on the table for the first person who figures it out???  Or is it just plain not worth your time??

I’m sharing this picture because I have had so many events happen in my life lately where people are struggling with an issue due to a lack of perspective.  It is our tendency as humans to live in the moment as though the moment is all that matters.  This is a belief that Satan would love for us to have because it makes his job of tempting us so much easier.  It is pretty easy to deceive someone whose perspective on life is out of focus on the “big picture.”  It is more difficult to deceive someone whose perspective on life is laser focused on the “big picture.”

Parents, I want to challenge you to take a look at the activities of your kids’ lives, and look at them from a “big picture” perspective.  Allow me to help you!

This is the truth!

• A recent study indicated that 26% of parents with a high school athlete believed their child has enough talent to play that sport professionally.  The real number is a tiny fraction of a tiny fraction of 1%.
• I can’t remember which students at Trinity had a detention in October.  I’d have to check our records to find out.
• I can’t recall my grades from grade school or high school.  I just remember my parents being happy if I did my best and equally frustrated if I wasn’t doing my best.
• Since graduating from college, nobody has ever commented to me about my GPA.  They have commented on my character though.

In other words, much of the stuff in life doesn’t matter as much as we make it out to matter.  Seems God always keeps a “big picture” look at us, and maybe we should look at ourselves, our kids, and others that way more often as well!

“No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”  Romans 8:37

Family Discussion Points!

Take a look at the picture!  Have every family member take a guess!

Ask your children to read something as fast as possible by holding the paper so close that their nose touches the paper.  Laugh with them, not at them!!! J

Discuss places where your family has lost perspective!

(see the back of the Tweet to see a “big picture” perspective of the picture above)

Partners in Parenting 11/30/15

“It’s Getting Kind of Heavy!”

The heavy snow we got last week was so beautiful.  The snow was wet, so I saw lots of snowmen being built.  The first good snow of the year had lots of kids excited for the opportunity to play in it.  As I drove down the road, I was amazed at the way the snow made all the trees look like each branch was completely white.  It all looked majestic…

…until I woke up the next morning!  My 25 foot tall pear tree was quite different from the heavy snow.  The middle of the tree was all hallowed out.  The branch that broke extended to the peak of the tree, but now it was laying on the ground.

 

The snow was beautiful, but it was heavy.  The stress caused by the weight of the snow was more than that branch could bear.  As I worked to clean up the tree later in the day, I was reminded how life can get that way sometimes.  It just gets “heavy.”  As a parent, I don’t get to just focus on parenting.  I wish I could, but God has given me things to do besides being a parent.  It gets hard when I manage so many other competing things.  So, how does a person keep from “breaking” when things get really “heavy?” 

I don’t have a perfect answer, but I know that for me, I need to remind myself to remove things that don’t matter to God and my family in order to find some relief.  Just think!  If that tree could have removed some snow from its branches while the snow kept falling, it would still be completely intact today.  Especially at Christmas, things get pretty “heavy” with all the things to do, but really, we might be wise to remove some of those things that don’t matter so we don’t “break” under all the stress!  Start with a focus on God and then your family, and see what you can get rid of in the weeks ahead.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  Like 10: 41,42

 

Family Discussion Points!

Have every family member share their favorite Christmas tradition that they don’t want to have stop.  Protect all those things as a family!

Consider and talk about what God thinks would be most important about Christmas time for us today if He were to tell us.  Protect these things too!

Consider getting rid of some of the “heavy” things, OR reducing your time spent on them if you are not able to eliminate them.

Partners in Parenting 11/9/15

Partners in Parenting

“Body Language usually SCREAMS!”

In doing some professional reading this past week, I read a paragraph about teachers engaging students through their body language.  Body language makes up over 50% of communication most of the time – in other words:  It SCREAMS!  I immediately thought of my own body language when talking to my kids at home.  So I came up with an idea for this week.  I will follow these rules:

1. I will not speak to any family member while looking at a screen (phone, TV, tablet, iPad, anything with a screen).  WOW, I didn’t realize how much I’d have to focus on that.  This let’s them know they have my full attention.
2. I will always look at the person I am talking to – even if I have to move into the room where they are located.  This lets them know I am truly interested.
3. I will turn my body toward any family member that is talking to me unless it isn’t necessary because we are all sitting at the table together.  This lets them know I care about what they are saying.
4. I will end all conversations with some kind of a “thank you for sharing” kind of a comment to validate the time spent in conversation.

I made the rules up, but it is taking effort to live by them.  I hope the results at the end of the week include a closer relationship and better communication with all my family members.  We will see, but I don’t think this can be a bad idea!

Family Discussion Points!

Parents - pick a rule or two or three or four to follow for the week and see what God does in your relationships.

No real discussion except to talk with your spouse and/or children about what they noticed at the end of the week.

Partners in Parenting 11/3/15

Partners in Parenting

“I realized I wasn’t alone after all!”

That title might sound like a memorable line from a horror movie, but it is a thought I had the other day.  Here’s what happened:

My family had just all left the house, and I had the place to myself.  Nobody to bother me for anything.  Peace and quiet were all mine.  I had some reading to do, but I was free to take a nap if I wanted to do that instead.  I was so thankful for the moment. UNTIL…

“Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap-tap, tap, tap-tap-tap-tap, tap, (long pause) tap, tap, tap-tap-tap, tap!’  And it was loud.  I realized I wasn’t alone after all.  I followed the sound to the kitchen to the right of our stove.  I heard an animal in the wall or ceiling tapping or biting, hitting, or doing something to try to get out.  I tried to locate the exact spot where the critter was at, but I couldn’t.  I finally went upstairs to my daughter’s bedroom.  The noise was even louder there.  I spent almost an hour trying to figure out the source of the noise.  I couldn’t do it, and I couldn’t relax any longer.  I was completely frustrated. I decided to go outside to get some work done out there and escape the maddening and repetitive noise of the house.

I walked into the garage to hear nothing but, “tap, tap, tap-tap-tap, tap, tap-tap!”

After more investigating and patiently trying to locate the source of the sound, I solved the mystery.  The source of the noise was a downy woodpecker.  That is a lot of noise from a little bird.  It was pecking a hole in the cedar on the side of the house.  It didn’t seem to mind that I was there looking at it.  I scared it away, and it hasn’t been back since.  Tonight, I have to go fill the 2 large holes with caulk.

I was a bit frustrated because I lost so much time to be alone in my house.  However, it also reminded me that I am never alone.  God is with me every moment of my life, and He always will be.  Funny that a woodpecker could annoy me so much, and in the end, make me think about God’s amazing love!

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  Deuteronomy 31:8

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about times you think or feel alone.  Are you really ever alone?

Talk about whether it makes you more brave when you realize God is always with you.

Spend some alone time with God at least once this week.  Just spend some time in silence talking to the only one around – God!

Partners in Parenting 10/27/15

Partners in Parenting

“Parents – Rescue Your Kids NOW!”

At our conference last week, I was reminded that we need to rescue our kids right away.  There is not a moment to lose.  They are in need of help that only the adults in their life can give.  They MUST be rescued, and our keynote speaker, Tim Elmore, reminded us of many reasons that we need to take action.  We need to rescue them from laziness, narcissism, complacency, lack of creativity, poor interpersonal skills, and a host of others they have learned from…well…um…US.  Yes, us!  The adults in their lives have made it too easy for too long and many kids today are ill-prepared for the future.  He gave some great advice.  He said we should teach kids to:

Struggle and overcome

Wonder and solve a problem

Ask questions

Play outside without an electronic device

Serve someone else for a change

Think creatively

Deal with bored moments

Talk to people in person and on the phone

Take responsibility for their actions

Produce their entertainment instead of receive their entertainment

And many other things that ultimately rescue them from a very, very difficult future.

“…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope.”  Romans 5:3,4

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, are you rescuing your kids from future difficulties by allowing them to struggle now, OR are you making things easy on them now, hoping it will stay that way their whole life through?  (you may not like your answer, but that is OK!  We all struggle with it.)

Do your kids get too much screen time, and therefore, lack creativity to play on their own?

Kids, what would be 3 things you would do if you had to spend three hours outside without a phone or electronic device?  Do them and see if it was fun.  Were you creative in the time spent?

Partners in Parenting 10/20/15

“Suddenly Aware!”

Last weekend, I had a very fortunate opportunity to find myself standing motionless with a female deer only 6 yards from me.  The deer and I were unaware of each other’s presence as I was walking in the corn row and she was walking along the edge of the corn.  Thankfully, I was suddenly aware of her before she became aware of me.  She walked to within 6 yards of me.  I could see her lick her nose, flare her nostrils, blink her eyes, and even twitch her ear once to get a flying bug off her.  It was so amazing to be that close.  However, at only 6 yards, she sensed something wasn’t normal in that corn, looked in my direction, and calmly trotted away.  Once she was suddenly aware of my presence, it changed her course of travel.

Here is a similar picture, compliments of author, Reggie Joyner:

 

I was at a conference last week, and I was suddenly aware of the fleeting time I have with my children.  I have a 6^th Grader at Trinity, and here is the reality:

He is 77% finished with his time in elementary school.  High school is just around the corner. He is 2/3 finished with his life on earth before high school graduation.  Only 1/3 left, and he’ll be off to college and no longer at home.

As he gets older, I seem to see less of him due to his involvement in things outside of home.

I see him less now than before, and that will probably continue to be the trend.

And finally…I need to tell other parents this important information.

I realized a few things.  My time on earth is unknown.  My time with my children is fleeting, and it is precious.  My time with my kids is now, and I better be serious about how I spend my time.

I want all our parents to be “suddenly aware” of this because, like the doe I saw, once we are aware, it might change our course of travel…in parenting our kids.

“You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”  James 4:14b

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, share a time in your life that went by very quickly now that you can look back.

Kids, tell your parents about a time that you got really close to a person or animal without them seeing you.

Parents and kids, talk about how valuable time is in building and maintaining a relationship with God and each other.  We will probably never get as much time together as we want!!!

Partners in Parenting

“Follow the Leader to Love!”

I really enjoy playing “Follow the Leader” or “Simon Says” with kids.  I may be a bit old for simple childhood games like this, but I’m really a “big kid” at heart!  I love tricking kids during “Simon Says” using a few standby tactics that will usually trip up about 80% of the participants.  The other 20% of the kids will usually fall out with the one tactic I save for the end – speed.  If I get going through commands really quickly, the kids get going so fast that they can’t keep themselves from messing up.  Parents, you can try this at home, and you’ll see that speed is tough to overcome.  I do the same thing without words during “Follow the Leader.”  Just go fast, and kids will struggle to keep up. 

The same is true for many things in life – like parenting children.  The parent is the “Leader” or “Simon” to a child.  It is difficult to “Follow the Leader” who is franticly paced or barking multiple commands so quickly that the follower feels lost and confused.  If “Simon” says too much, too fast, there is a chance that a child will tune out most of what is said.

This week, I had three 8^th Grade students helping me put together the new tables and chairs in the lobby.  We worked side by side.  They imitated every step I did as their leader.  Everything turned out great, but I had to be sure they were following me every step of the way.  Therefore, I took my time and didn’t rush.

Kids are following parents, but I wonder if parents are going so fast, so often, that kids are struggling to be able to imitate them.  I want to encourage parents to slow down life as much as you can so you have more time to love your spouse and your kids.  Parents need someone to follow too.  I hope, for the sake of your kids following you, it is God you are following as your Leader.  It isn’t easy, but it is good to do so!

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love…” Ephesians 5:1-2a

                                                       
Family Discussion Points!

Play “Simon Says” and “Follow the Leader” often this week.  Let everyone have a chance being Simon or the Leader.

Parents, talk to each other about how to show your kids love.  Everyone has a different “Love Language,” so it is helpful to know how to show your kids love best.

 

Partners in Parenting

“Getting Noticed!”

I believe most people enjoy being noticed for something they have done well or accomplished.  I believe most people enjoy a compliment on a new hairdo, project completed, outfit, or other noticeable act.  I believe most people like getting noticed by others because getting noticed seems to indicate that a person stands out from the rest.  This can help people feel important in a world so full of ordinary people doing ordinary things. 

Parents, do you ever feel like a regular mom or average dad?  I do.  Have you ever thought that you are “just trying to figure out all this parenting stuff?”  I have.  Have you ever wondered if you are just totally messing your kids up and praying they can fix themselves enough to be happy and successful adults?  I have.

I think most parents don’t feel they are deserving of either the “Mom of the Month” or “Dad of the Decade” Award (if there were such awards).  Most of us just work hard to do the best we can for our kids.  That is our perspective.

But every once in a while… our kids give us their perspective.  Have you heard something like this:

“Thanks Mom!  You’re the best!”

“I appreciate the help, Dad.  Nobody could have helped me like that.”

“You are the greatest cook in the world!”

“You are so awesome!  I’m glad you are my parent.”

The point I’m getting at is that parents are constantly “getting noticed” by their kids.  Parents are the unique people God has placed in a child’s life in order to influence them as they grow.  I saw this tree on our playground last week, and I love the fact that one branch is different and easy to notice from the rest.  It is red when all the others are still green.  It reminded me of how children see their parents – different from all the rest! 

                                                          

Family Discussion Points!

Kids, tell each of your parents something you really appreciate about your parents.

Everyone, try to give each family member at least on compliment every day this week.

Discuss whether God wants us to stand out to the world around us or whether He wants us to blend in with everyone else.  Why do you think what you think?

 

Partners in Parenting

“It can be a scary world out there!”

Do you know what that is a picture of???  Would you like to live there??  What movie do you think it could be in??  Does it look scary??

Sometimes life can be pretty frightening for kids…and adults too.  There is too much sin in the world to have life on earth be a “bucket of bliss” or “basket of roses.”  Life is just plain hard sometimes, and when it is, it is so important to have faith in Jesus Christ.  Faith in Jesus allows us to know that there is victory amidst the difficulty, joy amidst the sorrow, and strength amidst our weaknesses.  Faith in Jesus is the firm foundation that will sustain us when the trials of life come.  Life can be scary, but faith in Jesus should provide us with all the comfort needed to be at peace in the trials of life.  Having peace during trials is important because there will be lots of trials in life.  Sometimes I equate having peace with having faith in Jesus.  I hope you think about it the next time you face a trial or challenge in your life.

“The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock [Jesus].”  Matthew 7:25

                                                          

Family Discussion Points!

Everyone share one thing of which they are afraid.

Everyone share about a high point of your day.  Then, everyone share about a low point of your day.  Can you have peace during both events?  Through whom??

Want to know where I took the picture?  That is a picture of downtown Mt. Clemens last Wednesday morning when all the fog rolled into town.  I was driving East on Cass Ave.  The traffic light in the picture is Southbound Gratiot.  I honestly thought there must have been a horrible accident and chemical spill of some kind.  Nope, just fog.