Partners in Parenting, Feb 28, 2011

What Does Love Look Like?

I was in an area Walgreen's the other day to witness a very unusual exchange between a customer and a worker.  The customer was very loud, rude, and demeaning to the worker.  The worker continued to be calm, helpful, and supportive of the real desires of the customer (to get her prescription ASAP).  After the whole exchange ended, I went to the pharmacy counter to share with the worker how impressed I was with how she handled the situation.  She just said thanks for noticing and "It wasn't any big deal."  My reply was that it was a big deal because that was real customer service in action when it wasn't easy.  After I left, I thought about how love is like that - in essence, she displayed love to that customer.  It's easy to love your kids when they are obeying and behaving well, but it is tough to due when they are rude and disrespectful.  I also noticed how that worker stayed focused on what the customer needed without considering her own need to be respected as an employee.  Do I keep loving and helping as a parent when I'm not respected by my children?  Do I stay focused on what they need instead of my own needs?  Sometimes loving our children is tough because it involves punishment and discipline, but it is what they need.  Sometimes loving our children means protecting them, serving them, sharing with them, helping them, etc.  Love looks different for every situation, but love looks like something because it is an action, not a feeling!  Notice Jesus' action!  "This is how we know what love is:  Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."  I John 3:16

Family Discussion Points!

Share a time when someone has talked mean to you or tried to hurt you with words.

Talk about tough love and what it looks like.

Parents, share with your children what it means to love them enough to provide them with consequences.

Then, share a time when your parents did that for you!

I'm behind

Parents, 

I don't know how many of you have been here looking for me to post the latest stuff happening, but I'm behind in keeping this current.  I really try to communicate well, but there are so many avenues for communicating.  This blog is at the bottom of my priority, but I'll keep trying to place things here that are important.

FYI - I'll be out of the office over the mid-winter break, but you can contact me via cell phone if there is an emergency.

In Christ,

Julian Petzold, Principal

Partners in Parenting, Feb. 14, 2011

Sometimes, It's Just Plain Hard!

This past week, was very hard for me and for my family.  On Friday morning, I took our family dog, General, to the vet, and he is no longer with us.  It was so hard to make the call to make the appointment, load him into the truck, drive him to the vet, get out of the truck, go inside, and continue to take the necessary steps that drew him and me closer to his death.  It was soooo hard!  Life can be like that.  Consider the times of difficulty in your own life.  The death of a loved one, a broken relationship, a wounding word or words, financial stress, bad things happening, illness, and many other life circumstances.  Sometimes, it's not an event that is so hard, but it is the accumulation of many events, circumstances, or things that are so hard.  Well, I'm coming to understand that hard doesn't mean impossible.  Parenting is sometimes just plain hard like life.  Hard - yes!  Impossible - no!  What are we parents to do when it gets hard.  I think the best thing we can do is seek God's Word for daily guidance, do the next right and best thing we can, and continue to trust in Him is all things.  Paul has some incredibly encouraging words for us:  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in a ny an devery situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:12, 13

Family Discussion Points! 

What is something hard that your family has been through?

How did you manage that hard time?  Well?  Poorly?

Did you actively seek God's strength during that time or not? 

Talk together about facing the next hard thing in life together with each other and with God in a more intimate manner than before.

Partners in Parenting, Feb. 7, 2011

Impulsivity!

Kids can be pretty impulsive sometimes.  I have come to believe that sometimes when you ask your child, "Why did you do that?"  They reply with an honest answer, "I don't know."  I truly believe that they don't know because their impulsivity got them into some trouble.  It is so hard to follow the practice of stopping and thinking before acting.  I struggled with impulsivity alot when I was younger, but mostly when someone was cheating.  I'd rather lose every game I ever played than win by cheating.  I couldn't tolerated cheating, and cheating brought out lots of impulsivity and, quite frankly, poor behavior when I was young.  We are all still impulsive to some extent today.  Impulsivity isn't bad or wrong, but impulsivity can lead us to poor behavior because we haven't thought things through.  Think things through as a parent more often.  It will help you remain in control as the parents, and it will also model a calm response to adversity.  The apostle Peter struggled with this.  I was reminded of it when I was reading Luke 22:54-62 where he denies Jesus three times.  Once he had time to think about what he had done in denying Jesus, he wept bitterly (vs. 62).  Pause, think, respond!  That's a better scenario.

Family Discussion Points!

Play an impulsive game together like a word association game (example:  Peanut _______)

Share times when acting before thinking got you into trouble or presented more  problems that could have been avoided.

As a family, remind people in your family to stop and think when impulsivity is getting the best of them.  Grant permission to all family members to do this for each other.

Partners in Parenting, Jan. 31, 2011

Spies Among Us - Part I!

I was in Blockbuster looking for a video for my family to watch the other night when my attention was drawn to a little girl and her mom.  The little girl was only about 5 years old, but she had "the system" pretty well figured out.  Here's about exactly how it went:

Girl:  "Mom, I want to get this movie."

Mom:  "No, that one isn't a good one for you."

Girl (more loudly):  "Yes, it is.  I want this one!"

Mom:  "No.  You can't get that one."  (then she opened a window)  "Here, let me see it."

(and the 5 year old pounced)

Girl (screaming):  "I want that one.  Buy me that one."

Mom (very sternly):  "Just stop it and I'll get it."  (exasperated) "This is why I never want to take you anywhere."

That little girl worked mom over pretty good.  It happens to all of us.  It may be batting the eyes, a little whining, asking one parent over the other, crying, reminding us that "everyone is doing it," or just asking over and over until we cave in.  Our kids have been "spying" on us all along learning how to work us over when they need to.  Parents basically live with "spies."  They aren't evil in doing this.  They are just going about what it takes to get something they want, and they've learned our responses in order to get it. 

It's a good reminder that they are constantly watching us and learning.  Be ready for them when they see your weakness.  Stand firm and stand loving as you lead your kids.  I try every day.  It's hard, but it is worth it!

Family Discussion Points!

What are some indicators each family member has to let you know that they are ready to cave in - parents and kids.

Talk about a time when you "worked it" to get your way. 

Discuss a process of kids asking politely, parents responding to the request, and kids politely asking parents to reconsider.  This can avoid the scenario above.

Partners in Parenting, Jan. 24, 2011

Check Your Ears!

When I was young, my mom would often say to us kids, "Don't forget to check your ears."  She'd usually say that before bed as we cleaned up and before church on Sunday.  I guess having clean ears was pretty important to my mom.  I recalled this advice from her this past week as I was reading from 2 Timothy chapter 4.  Here Paul reminds Timothy that people need to hear the truth, and truth is only found in the Bible.  Sometimes our ears "itch" for a truth that is more comforting or satisfying than the Bible, but in the end, it is a lie.  Our kids have "itching" ears as well when they kindly inform us parents that "everyone else is doing it."  They want that approval to do something contrary to what is right according to God's Word.  There are plenty of other examples as well.  It is a normal thing for every human to do in order to get what is desirable.  My prayer is that you "check your ears" to see if they are "itching" or taking in the truth of God's Word when daily circumstances arise in your family.  For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine.  Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teacher to say what their itching ears want to hear.  They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."  2 Timothy 4:3,4

Think of this each time you clean your ears:)

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, share some truths with your children that will help them as they grow.  (examples:  Life is not always fair.  God is always going to love you, and I will too.  Attitude is 90-95% of overcoming obstacles. Etc.)

Everyone, share your favorite truth or Bible verse that helps you in your faith.

Try to start more sentences with the words, "God's Word says..."  This brings truth into the every day and helps prevent the "itching" for non-Biblical ideas.

Partners in Parenting, Jan. 18, 2011

What is Age-Appropriate?

I am going to share something that I hope doesn't bring about any formal charges, arrests, or convictions! HAHA!  At nine years of age, my dad handed me the keys to the car and asked me to drive to town to get gas for him before the gas station closed.  Being an obedient son (yeah right), I headed for town 3 miles away taking all the back roads I could.  When I arrived, Dale (owner of the gas station and good friend of my dad) came to the window because it was a full-service station.  When I rolled down the window, Dale looked in, saw me, stood up, and said out loud, "Oh God.  Roll up the window."  He pumped the gas and walked away to put the amount owed on my dad's account.  I drove back home.  I was first excited to get to drive on the road, then scared that I'd get in an accident, and finally relieved to have made it home safely.

Many people might be angry with my dad, but here is the rest of the story.  I grew up in a rural farming community.  I had been driving tractors and other vehicles around the farm and occasionally on the road for a few years.  It was a normal way of life to be driving on the farm.  However, I agree that I was too young to be driving alone on a road.

As parents, we have to continually make decisions regarding when our child(ren) is old enough for an activity, movie, video game, cell phone, dating, freedom, decision making power, etc.   Age-appropriate shouldn't be left to chronological age alone.  Parents need to consider each child's developmental level of maturity in determining what is age-appropriate.  It's a difficult thing when parenting, but I'd always recommend erring on the side of caution in regards to whether your child is old enough yet.  They only get to be children once - let them enjoy the innocence of it.  I bet King Josiah lost lots of innocence as King of Israel at age 8!  "Josiah was eight years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem thirty-one years."  2 Kings 22:1

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, share some things your parents wouldn't let you do when you were young.

Children, share one thing you wish you were old enough to do RIGHT NOW!  Is that good for you to do now or not?

Discuss as a family whether you think parents are mean or loving when they say, "You aren't old enough for that."