Partners in Parenting

“Independence vs. Dependence!”

As you consider your children, which attribute is better?  Independence or dependence?  Hmm?  Well, if you have a newborn that isn’t sleeping through the night because they need to be fed, you probably favor a little independence.  However, if your child is continually sneaking off to be alone, watch TV, play video games, etc., you probably favor dependence a bit.  Some children are “wired” for dependence while others for independence.  So which is better?

Actually, I think they both have their place.  Finding the right balance is the key.  All ages of development (even into adulthood) require dependence on others.  After all, when is the last time one of your children bought their own shoes?  No, they depend on us parents for food, clothing, home, etc.  All ages of development (even into adulthood) require independence too.  After all, when is the last time a parent took a math test for a student?  No, a student must come to school and take his test without his parents.

I was reminded of this fine balance this past weekend.  My neighbor is changing his landscape a bit.  He was cutting down some small trees, but he left one.  I asked him why he left it there, and he let me know there was a robin with a nest in that tree.  He showed me the next, and I found three baby robins with about five feathers each.  Otherwise, they just had skin on them.  Amazing!  They were the epitome of dependent.  Depending on mom for everything.  The birds will gain independence as they get older, but there will still be a balance to their life.

Matthew writes about the importance of being dependent as a child of God.  I think he clearly sees where that balance is important:  “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?”  Matthew 6:26  The birds are dependent on God for their daily living.  We should be too.  He cares that much about us.

Family Discussion Points!

Look around your yard for bird’s nests.  See if you can find any babies, but don’t mess up their nests at all.

Talk about independence and dependence.  Who is more of one or the other in your family?

How does dependence on God change your life?  Is it changed for the better or worse?

Partners in Parenting

“The Most Important Question!”

Last week, in Partners in Parenting, I shared how I had a procedure done to close a hole in my heart.  I also explained things a little bit to the students on our morning news so that they could understand how incredible God has made us.  I told the students that they had a camera inside my heart during the entire procedure.  A first grader asked his teacher, “Did they see the word ‘Jesus’ in his heart?”  How precious is that!!!  BUT how right is the question.  Ultimately, it is the most important question for all of us:  Is Jesus in our heart? 

That question reminded me of Jesus talking about himself being the vine, and we are the branches.  He talks about a relationship with Him being “in” us and us being “in” Him.  It is only possible to have Jesus in us through a faith relationship with Him.  The faith that finds him in our heart also finds us in His heart.  That is something only faith can produce.  Is Jesus in your heart?  Any other question isn’t as important as that!  [Jesus said] “Remain in me, and I will remain in you…” John 15:4a

 Family Discussion Points!

Have every person ask one other family member a question about their day.  Then, compare those questions to the question, “Is Jesus in your heart?”  What question is most important?

Remind everyone that Jesus being in our heart has everything to do with faith, not what we have done. 

Partners in Parenting

“A Reminder in My Pocket!”

A few years ago, I did a chapel service with the students about things I carry in my pockets at all times.  You can ask them if they remember.  I’m sure some students will.  This last week, I was reminded of how important one item is as a constant reminder to me.  In my right pocket is almost always a pocket knife.  It is a tool I use most every day for at least one thing – usually many things.  My pocket knife is very sharp.  It’s “sharpness” makes it effective for the task I use it to accomplish.  It’s “sharpness” also makes it a potential danger if I am not careful.  Each time I use it, I am reminded of James 3:1-12 that talks about taming the tongue.  The verse I especially remember is James 3:10:  “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers, this should not be.”  Words can be like my pocket knife – very helpful and good.  Words can also be like my pocket knife – very hurtful and bad.  Now, we all use knives in the kitchen when we cook.  Maybe you could share this the next time you eat together and discuss the helpful and harmful abilities of the words we choose.  (By the way, left pocket = keys and chap stick; right pocket = pocket knife and floss, but it used to be a pocket knife and pocket cross until I lost the cross.  That is what kids might remember!)

Family Discussion Points!

Discuss the positive uses of a knife when cooking.

Discuss the one potential danger of using a knife when cooking.

How is the tongue (or our words to others) filled with positive and dangerous potential?

Partners in Parenting

“Letting Kids Pray!”

When we sit down to dinner as a family, we always have a time of prayer.  I usually lead the prayer of thanks for the food, those who have prepared it, and other words of thanksgiving.  But not always!  Jen and I ask the kids to pray sometimes.  If we are all really hungry, “Come Lord Jesus…” is the possible prayer of choice by the kids.  Usually though, they will pray a prayer that begins with 2 words that almost all our prayers as mom and dad begin with – Thank you.  As I listen to them begin their prayers with the words “Thank you,” I’m reminded of how much we are modeling prayer for our kids.  Listening to them pray has also given me great insight into their heart and their faith.  They pray about things that are heavy on their heart.  They pray for people who matter to them.  They pray about their understanding of Jesus and his love for us.  They ask for things like help, protection, and understanding about things of faith.  This happens the more they have a chance to pray from their heart.

I’m reminded of this because one of my kids led us in prayer before a meal this past weekend, and I was amazed at the prayer.  It was about Holy Week and how much God loves each of us to send Jesus to be our Savior.  It wasn’t long, but it articulated a thankful relationship to God for Jesus.  It ended without a mention of the food we were about to eat.  I guess our food really isn’t that significant compared to what God has done for us through Jesus.  Having your kids lead prayer can be powerful for them spiritually AND for you too!  “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’”

Family Discussion Points!

Commit to a whole week without praying “Come Lord Jesus…” at mealtime.

Ask others to pray from their heart, but parents should be the first ones to do it.

Talk about prayer being a way of just plain talking to God about anything on your heart or mind at the time of the prayer.

Partners in Parenting

“Communication These Days - ugh!”

My kids know better than to send me a text message while we are both at home.  I have warned them: If I get a text from you, while we are at home, I will come running to find you.  I promise!  However, you better hope I don’t find you because I will take your texting device away for a while until you learn to communicate face to face with me!  I have not gotten a text from them while we’ve all been home again.

Well, not exactly…

The other day, I walked into my bedroom to put some folded laundry away.  Our family was in the process of cleaning house.  I walked right into our vacuum that one of my children placed just inside my bedroom doorway.  (Now parents, is it just me, or isn’t this the same as sending me a text message while we are both in the house???  - See picture!)  Since all three of my children were cleaning, I wasn’t sure who wrote this message instead of coming to see me.  Ah, there were so many clues.  Take a look:

• Only one child calls me Daddy
• The letter i in fix has a circle for a dot – very artsy!
• Vacuum is spelled wrong
• No excuses, just the simple request – “pointer,” not a “painter”
• Exclamation mark has a large dot at the bottom
• Does that look like a boy’s or girl’s handwriting?

Every indication I have is that Alaina wrote this note.  She is the child of mine most likely to ever use a vacuum to begin with, so I was pretty confident in my assessment.  I had to laugh to myself – here is a text message written on paper.  Why not talk to me?

I imagine God could be asking me that same question – Why not talk to me?  Why don’t I talk to Him more often like He is standing right beside me – and He really is!!  Why do I formalize all my prayers instead of just talking to him naturally?  Why don’t I share my joys and frustrations with him like I do my friends?  Hmm.  I was reminded that I’m supposed to talk to him even though I live in this text messaging world. 

“…pray continually…” I Thessalonians 5:17

Family Discussion Points!

Commit to talking with your children about their day at school each day this week.

Ask open ended questions to your kids about how their feel or what they think about a particular issue.  Then listen.

Talk about what bad communication does to a family!

Partners in Parenting

Partners in Parenting

“He’s Not Real!”

On Thursday last week, we had the 6^th – 8^th Graders practicing for our “Night at the Museum – Trinity Style” by presenting their characters to the younger grades.  If you aren’t aware of this event, here is a quick explanation:  The 6^th – 8^th Graders had to research a person from history and be ready to get into “character” with proper dress, accent, props, information, business cards, etc. 

I took half of the first graders with me to meet these famous people from history.  As we were talking to Walt Disney, many of the children stared in amazement as they heard the story about creating Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, and the theme parks. 

I commented to the first graders, “Isn’t that cool that he is the one who started all the Disney stuff we have today.” 

A first grade girl asked me, “Did he draw all the princesses too.” 

I replied, “Ask him!  He’s is Walt Disney!”  She asked him about the princesses. 

As she did, another first grade girl reached up, grabbed my arm to get me to lean down to her, and sort of whispered to me as though keeping a secret, “You know that he’s not really Walt Disney, don’t you?”

I whispered back, “Yes, I know.”  I was laughing almost uncontrollably inside.  This young lady had set me straight here so I wouldn’t be fooled by this imposter.

Parents, we MUST do the same for our children.  We need to help them see the “real deal” as well as the fake, the phony, the pretender.  We need to help them see Jesus as well as Satan in the world.  Many times we don’t even identify Satan at work in the world, but it would be rather easy to do.  There is sin everywhere.  There are lies about how to look that are too numerous to count or keep up with – but we try.  Satan and the world say you have to be good to find God’s favor, but Jesus says you simply need to believe in Him to have God’s favor.  They are vastly different, but kind of appear the same.  Don’t be fooled. 

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.”  Matthew 7:15

Family Discussion Points!

Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44) according to Jesus.  What are some of Satan’s lies that our society has “bought into?”  In other words - What does society say is important vs. what Jesus says is important?

Why does Satan keep the danger of his influence pretty unrecognizable to us (like a sheep)?  (He always wants to draw us away from Jesus)

Where do you, as a family, find strength for resisting Satan and drawing closer to God?  (Worship, daily reading of His Word, Prayer, other)  Discuss!

Partners in Parenting

“Who is the Best?”

I write this “edition” of Partners in Parenting after spending the past weekend at the Michigan State Lutheran School Basketball Tournament.  The brackets had teams seeded based upon who was the favorite to win.  All the players, coaches, fans, etc. were looking forward to the culminating game of the weekend – the Championship Game!  Who is the best team in the state?  Who is the best player in the state?  Who will emerge on top out of all the teams there?  Each team wanted to be the best, but only one team remained unbeaten at the end of the weekend.  As I drove home with my family, everyone slept while I thought about people’s desire to be the best.  That desire brings out many good qualities – determination, teamwork, perseverance, composure, intensity, etc.  However, all those good qualities being displayed by the athletes don’t guarantee a victory. 

As a parent, you’ll probably have your kids in a competition of some kind.  This will bring out many great qualities in your child.  It will teach them many excellent things.  In the process, there is this great thing called Sportsmanship.  Sportsmanship is how you respect and care about others during a sporting competition.  It is basically being a Christian throughout the battle of competition.  God’s Word reminds us to keep the immediate competitions of life in perspective.  “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”  Philippians 2:4 

Who is the Best?  Maybe it is actually the person who can look at the interest of others.  That is what Jesus did for us on the cross, and that is what He calls us to do as servants in the world.

Family Discussion Points!

Share something that each family member is the best at in their family (best cook, reader, organizer, persuader, athlete, musician, etc….)

How is it a great thing to consider others as well as yourself?  Talk about it a bit.

Talk a little bit about keeping earthly competition in perspective.  Also talk about our greatest victory already being won for us by Christ – the victory over sin, death, and Satan.