Partners in Parenting

“Turmoil and Peace!”

As Thanksgiving and Christmas are upon us, I’d love to think that everyone is going to experience an abundance of joy, peace, calm, blessedness, good cheer, and things like that.  However, I know the realities of life that can bring as much turmoil as happiness in times like the “holiday season.”  Turmoil is defined as “a state of great disturbance, confusion, or uncertainty.”  The families I know don’t like turmoil, but most families never talk about the things that cause turmoil.  In fact, just talking about it might create more turmoil than families are willing to welcome into their lives. Turmoil is NOT caused by Thanksgiving or Christmas.  It is not caused by stressful lives or busyness.  It is not caused by events or circumstances.  Turmoil is caused by our own sinfulness allowing any kind of situation to get our heart and mind focused on the situation instead of Jesus Christ! 

The opposite of turmoil is peace.  True peace is only found in one person – Jesus.  In the Old Testament, Micah prophesied about Jesus being born in Micah Chapter 5.  As he writes about the coming Savior from Bethlehem, Micah writes, “And he [Jesus] will be their peace.”  Micah 5:5

Personally and in a family, turmoil is part of our existence due to sin, but personally and in a family, peace is part of our existence due to all that Jesus has done for us on the cross.  Enjoy your holiday time coming up and find peace as often as you can – and that means finding Jesus as often as you can.

Family Discussion Points!

What holiday events cause turmoil in your family?  Can they be avoided?  If not, can they be controlled to allow Jesus (and thus peace) to be evident?

Talk about the emotions of situations that create turmoil.  How does it feel?

Peace is different.  How?  Who does it come from?

Partners in Parenting

Partners in Parenting

“Differences are Important, but so is Unity!”

I was reading on in my Bible at church the other night while visiting my home congregation.  I came across a verse that really caught my attention.  You see, my #1 strength using Clifton’s Strength Finders is Individualization.  Basically, that means I inherently see everyone’s uniqueness and strongly dislike generalizations about anyone.  I am of German heritage, but I don’t think of myself as a German – I am Julian.  I don’t think of myself as “all males” either – I am Julian.  I don’t think of myself as a farm boy – I am Julian.  To me, nobody is a group!  Everyone is who they are, so you can’t think of them any other way!  I know not everyone thinks that way, but I certainly do.

Well, the Bible verse sure lumped everyone together in ONE GROUP, so it really made me take notice:  “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus,…” Galatians 3:26 

I was reminded that God obviously appreciates the differences in all the people He has made, but He also unites people in faith in Jesus.  I was reminded of how God values differences, but he also values unity.  That fact reminded me of families.  Families are all different, but they are united as family members because God made it that way.  Same with faith – Christians are all different, but they are united as family members because God made it that way through faith.

Family Discussion Points!

Point out positive differences of family members – no pointing out negative differences.

Discuss who made family members differently (God) and why you think that happened.  What’s the purpose?

As a family, list things that apply to everyone.  Talk about your unity.  (example:  Last name Petzold, Christians, baptized, sleep in our house, etc.  Keep it going)

Partners in Parenting

“Patience until the End!”

This past weekend, I had a chance to visit the farm I grew up on from birth until I left for college.  It reminded me to practice being more patient.  Here is why:

I helped on the farm throughout my childhood.  I had to do lots of chores, but I also got to do a lot of fun things living on 60 acres!  One of the things I remember doing with my dad each spring was planting the crops on our land.  Our land consisted of four different small farms within a mile of each other.  So four times each spring, we would plant a field.  Before leaving the field, my dad and I would get off the tractor, kneel on the soil, pick up a handful of soil in each hand, and then he would pray to God asking for the harvest to be a good one.  I can’t really remember the prayer except that some of it was in English and some of it was in German.  Then we would go plant the next field.

Our next move was to basically wait for the harvest time to come.  Yes, we would cultivate every once in a while if weeds appeared, but basically, we had to wait.  There was no hurrying the plant along.  That was out of our control.  The important lesson I remember learning growing up on a farm was that God was in more control than I was.

As a parent, sometimes I want to be in control of too much in the lives of my children.  Sometimes I am not a patient with the growing process they are all three undertaking along with our family each day.  I get too narrowly focused as parent, but really, the “harvest” of their life doesn’t come until later - in who they become as a Christian, spouse, employee, parent, etc. as adults.  Being on the farm reminded me to be patient in the growing process of my children, not only for today, but also patient all the way until they go to heaven.

“See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains.  You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.”  James 5:7

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, ask your kids:  Do you wish you grew up on a farm?  Why or why not?

Parents, tell your kids if you wish you did?  If you did, tell your kids what you liked and didn’t like.  If you didn’t, tell your kids, what you would have liked about it.

Why is being patient so hard many times???

Partners in Parenting

“Because I Said So!”

During dismissal the other day, I was calling out kids names based upon the vehicle of their parents.  I do this most every day, and I think I’m getting pretty good at it at this point of the school year.  I even recognized the vehicle of a young student’s aunt on this particular day – or so I thought!! 

I asked the young boy, “Is that your aunt’s grey car in line?”

“Nope. That’s not hers” was his quick response, so I didn’t have him get ready to go home.

As his aunt drove up to pick him up, he very matter-of-factly pointed out to me, “See Mr. Petzold, her car is silver.”

I was laughing so hard inside at his assurance that silver is silver.  It is NOT grey.  I couldn’t tell the difference.  So why couldn’t grey and silver be the same?  Well, because he said so.  I don’t think I could have convinced him if I tried, that a grey car and silver car are essentially the same thing.  I decided to not bother explaining and just enjoy the good laugh for the day.

As a parent, I still use, “Because I said so…” with my kids from time to time.  I generally explain the rationale for rules, consequences, saying “no” to requests they make, etc., but sometimes, I don’t explain myself more than to say, “Because I said so.”  Some people may think I should always explain, but due to the loving and trusting relationship a parent has with their child, an explanation isn’t always needed.  Over time, children learn that their parents have love and good things in mind for them in all situations.  At the heart of the issue is TRUST.  Children trust parents who are consistently creating boundaries that are clear – much more clear than the difference between grey and silver.

The 10 commandments from God are very clear.  I find it interesting that he doesn’t explain why to any of the commandments until the 4^th one:  “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord you God is giving you.”  Exodus 20:12  Before that one, there is no explanation from God, but the Israelites were to obey out of trust for God simply “because He said so.”

Family Discussion Points!

Why are there rules and boundaries in every home?  Are they loving or hurtful?

Is “Because I said so” an acceptable response in your home?  Why or why not?

Why is explaining boundaries important?  Why is not having to explain boundaries important?

Partners in Parenting

“Parental Seasons of Life!”

After church yesterday, Jen, the kids, and I went outside together to cut down all the dead or dying landscape plants.  “Chop, chop, chop, and throw away!”  That pattern repeated itself as we made our way all around the house.  There are a few bushes left and some fall plants enjoying their “time to shine” right now, but our landscape looks pretty bare and ready for winter.  As for the landscape:  Now is the time to cut down.  Winter is the time of dormancy. Spring is a time for new growth.  Summer is a time for beauty.  It is a pattern.

After we worked, I had some alone time to think, and I thought about how parenting has a multitude of “seasons” to endure – not just four!  Actually, all of life has different seasons, but the parenting seasons stick out for me because that is where Jen and I are right now.  So I started to list some seasons I could think of for parents:

Pregnancy and Preparation

Baby comes home

Sleepless nights

Another baby on the way

Accident or illness

Off to school

First report card with “real” grades

A call from the principal’s office

Driving to extra-curricular activities

High School

Driver’s Training then loaning out the car

Graduation

College

Significant others

Engagement

Paying for a wedding

Having in-laws

Becoming grandparents

And there are more things all along the way

Some of these I know from being a parent.  Some I know from observing my own parents.  Nevertheless, there is a time and season for these parental activities, but the season doesn’t last forever.  New seasons come.  We shouldn’t be surprised.  God said it would happen:  “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:”  Ecclesiastes 3:1

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, talk about the “season” of parenting you are now in.  Like it?  If not, remember, seasons change.  Enjoy the season for what it is before it is gone.

Reminisce a little about “seasons” past.

Talk about “seasons” to come, but don’t let it frighten youJ  It will come and go like the rest.