Partners in Parenting

Partners in Parenting

Plan something special over Spring Break for your family.  You may already have a vacation planned.  That’s great, but if you don’t, you can still do some fun things to make your Spring Break memorable.  But you’ll probably have to plan NOW, or it won’t happen.  Please plan some fun things to do as a family over the break.  You don’t know, it might be the most memorable Spring Break ever for your family!!

Partners in Parenting

Partners in Parenting!

This week’s Partners in Parenting is to simply learn to play the card game “Sevens” as a family.  You simply need a deck of cards and your whole family.  Anyone who can count is eligible to play.  Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.  In the rules, it says to place the 6 under the 7, but that really isn’t true.  Here is a picture of what it looks like.  I’m only using the diamonds to demonstrate.  You will actually have all four suits going once you play.  The link to the rules is below!

The cool part about this game is that a 5-year old can play with a 76-year old and have a great time together.  Spring Break is coming, and this could be fun for the down-time you have. 

For older players, the winner gets 0 points, but all the losers have to add up all the points from their hand to add to their score.  Player with the lowest score wins.  Here’s how to score each card:

Ace = 20 pts

Face cards and 10s = 10 pts

All other cards are their value (2=2, 3=3, 4=4, etc.)  Just add them up!

http://www.classicgamesandpuzzles.com/Sevens.html

Please let me know if your family played the game!  I hope you like the game, BUT I really hope you like the family time.

Partners in Parenting

“I absolutely avoid absolutes!”

Never, always, everything, nothing… I think words like this should be avoided when speaking.  I have been known to say to my kids, “Never speak in absolutes!”  Can you think of a way to end the beginning of these sentences with words you’ve heard from your family members:

“I always…”  “You always…”

“You never…”  “I never…”

“Why do I always get blamed when…”

“Everything was fine until you came along and…”

“Nothing goes my way when I always try to never get blamed for everything.”  (OK, you probably never heard this last oneJ  Oops, I even put the absolute “never” in this parenthetical statement.)

While reading my Bible the other day, I was reading along just fine until I read an absolute-kind of word.  I started to reread the section a bit because I didn’t like the absolute nature of the directive given to Christians.  I could have read it a hundred or a thousand times, but it would not have changed like I wanted it to change.  Here it is:

“Do everything in love.”  I Corinthians 16:14

Paul is telling the early church members in Corinth to love in everything they do.  That is stated as an absolute expectation.  I don’t like absolutes like always, never, everything, and nothing because life doesn’t really happen that way.  I don’t like the absolute expectation to do everything in love because my sinfulness doesn’t allow me to always love in everything I do.  As Christians, God wants us to do everything in love.  Even though we can’t do it perfectly, we can absolutely always try!  Blessings in your efforts!

Family Discussion Points!

Why are absolutes so dangerous to use when we speak?

Everyone share an absolute that you’ve heard someone use.

Is it possible for us to do everything in love as God wants us to do?  (No, it isn’t because we are sinful)  If we can’t, should we even try?  Why or Why not??

Partners in Parenting

“Why did they do that????”

Parents, have you ever found yourself completely dumbfounded by something your child has done.  I remember calling a parent of a young child years ago to let them know that their child had bitten another student.  Mom’s reaction was something along these lines, but I remember her swearing for sure (read this as fast as possible to get the full effect):

“Oh my. What???  He bit someone, like with his teeth?  Is the child OK?  Is my child OK?  Should I call the doctor, I mean a psychologist doctor?  What does this mean?  What is happening to him?  This can’t be normal.  Oh my, I don’t want anyone to know and make fun of him – or us as parents.  What was he thinking??  Oh #$*#!  I don’t know what to do.  Can you help me?  My husband is going to be so upset…he won’t take this as well as I am.”

At that point, I held back my chuckle, and I was thankful to be talking on the phone so mom couldn’t see me.  The bite was small, did not break skin, done out of anger, and her child cried because they were so remorseful for what they had done.  No need to worry, but I needed to let them know what had happened. 

As parents, we start asking ourselves a simple question shortly after each child is born.  The question really never goes away even when our kids become adults.  The question is “Why did they do that?”

I just asked that question this morning when a child of mine ran the battery dead in the car for the second time in a month.  I then asked that question of the car manufacturing company who designed a car with an electric button to open the trunk.  Hmm. No battery = no electric trunk opener.  No open trunk = no jumper cables.  No jumper cables = no starting the car with a dead battery.  “Why did they do that?” 

Parents, here’s the trick to the question:  Stop and logically and lovingly think about your child’s thought process.  For my child, the battery is dead because they were cleaning the car and needed the interior lights on to see when vacuuming.  They just forgot to turn off the lights.  Simple reason for the dead battery.

Why did the child bite?  Anger

Why do children sometimes lie?  Simply to get out of trouble

Why do car companies build cars without a way into the trunk without using an electric switch?  I bet there is a way I don’t know about, and I’ll read the manual tonight!

Bible reference:  Jesus was about 12 years old when he stayed in the temple instead of leaving Jerusalem with his parents.  After a day of travel, his parents couldn’t find him and had to go back to Jerusalem to find him.  Here is his mom’s response as she wondered, “Why did he do that?”

“Son, why have you treated us like this?  Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”

“Why were you searching for me?” Jesus asked.  “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”  Luke 2:48, 49

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, talk about this question together:  Are kids inherently malicious or are they caught up in being impulsive, forgetful, and selfish just like all of us at times?

Have each family member talk about something that they don’t understand about our bodies as humans.  Like:  How does the brain work?  Why do I still breathe when I’m asleep?  I never think to blink, but I do – how does that happen?  Why don’t my knees bend both ways?

(Parents, if you want help explaining things, it may help to begin your answer with “Because God…”  Remember, He made us)

Partners in Parenting

Andrew and Anna are getting married.  They sent us this “pre-invitation” to help us save their date.  Little did they know that October 23^rd is actually our date, not theirs!  Jen and I got married on October 23, 1993.  That’s our date even though we never sent out a fancy “Save Our Date” card to our family and friends.  I’m not bothered by them having the same anniversary as us, but getting the card reminded me of how we tend to “own” dates on the calendar that have significance.

September 7^th and September 14^th are two dates that don’t mean much to me except that fall is upon us.  However, those are the anniversary dates of two others on our staff.  Those dates are really important for the significance that date has in their life.

I don’t think our kids know our anniversary.  Come to think of it, I don’t think they know hardly any of the important dates of our lives as their parents. 

Do they remember my/her birthday?  My/her baptism birthday?  (Call the church where you were baptized if you don’t know your baptism birthday)  Our anniversary of our first date?  Why is August 28^th a special day for us?  And the list of special dates goes on.  The list of special events is even longer.  Kids love to hear stories from the past.  They especially like to hear the stories about their parents’ past.  We may not know the date on the calendar, but we have stories about special events with grandpa, our cousins, a family vacation, our school, our high school, etc.  Tell some of the stories from your past, and you will see your kids light up!!

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, find out when your baptism birthday is if you don’t know it.  Find out your child’s baptism birthday too if you don’t know it.

Tell a story from your youth to your child and watch for their reaction.  Maybe tell them one per day for this week.  Start with a story from a winter or spring in your childhood.

Talk to your kids about your wedding day.  Maybe even get out the photo album!

Partners in Parenting

“What Season Is It?”

With the bitter cold we’ve been experiencing, I’ve been looking ahead at the 10-day forecast quite a bit.  My hope is to be encouraged by looking ahead at the warm weather coming our way soon.  I mean, really, March is only a few days away, and March means Spring.  Spring means warmer weather.  Warmer weather mean more time spent outside.  I’ve been looking ahead with lots of discouragement though.  March is going to get here, but the warmer days don’t really seem to be coming with it.  I said to myself yesterday while looking at the forecast, “What season is it, anyway?”  I was merely expressing my frustration with the continual cold weather.  Just then, my son sent me a text message.

That reminded me that parenting has different seasons.  I watch parents arrive at school every day.  Some turn left and head down to Kindergarten – 5^th Grade.  Others turn right toward 6^th Grade – 8^th Grade.  These students are very different based upon their season of life.  All parents are experiencing very different “seasons” of their role as parents.  The constant is that parents are still parents (yes, even when children are 35 or older), and your children will always be your children (yes, even when children are 35 or older).  The “seasons” of growing up change.  The “seasons” of parenting your children change.  The constant is that parents and children are forever connected in a loving relationship that needs to be fostered in order to endure as the “seasons” change.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:” Ecclesiastes 3:1

Family Discussion Points!

Discuss what stages or seasons each person in the family is in right now.  (Parents, I pray your kids don’t tell you that you are just plain oldJ)

Talk about how growing up changes for kids.  Parents, this is a good time to listen more than anything.

Talk about how parenting changes as kids grow up.  Kids, this is a good time to listen more than anything.

Talk about the “season” that is ahead in the next few years like:  Kindergarten, middle school, high school, college, more freedom, beginning a sport or activity, etc.

Partners in Parenting

Partners in Parenting

“Asking Permission!”

“Mom, can I have a cookie?” 

“Dad, can I go to my friend’s house?”

“Is it OK if I clean up my toys later?  C’mon mom, pleeeeeeeeaaaaase!”

“Dad, can I drive your truck?  Just a little bit in the parking lot after church?”

These are just examples of kids asking for permission.  Asking permission is a very good thing because it helps kids avoid getting into trouble that they might not see coming.  I once went to a friend’s house when I was in 6^th grade.  The problem was not going to my friend’s house.  The problem was that I went without asking permission.  (Remember, there were no cell phones when I was in 6^th grade)  Another time, I drove the car to a favorite fishing spot without asking permission.  My parents weren’t too happy about that incident - especially since I was 14 at the time (country life is very different than city life, but it was still wrong to do).  Giving permission to do something is granting freedom to your child.  Parents grant permission based upon what they know about the situation while children may not have any idea whether the idea is good or bad.  Asking permission also communicates respect to the parent by the child.  My dog, Zeke, is trained to ask permission by sitting down.  Here is a picture of him looking at me while asking permission to get up on the couch next to my wife.  The fact that he is asking me is also communicating respect for me.

God’s Word is the ultimate place to find out what we have permission to do and what we do not have permission to do.  We have permission to love, help, support, act kindly toward others, etc.  We do not have permission to hurt, demean, covet, speak poorly about others, etc.  We have permission to speak the truth with grace.  We do not have permission to waiver or sway away from God’s Word or the commands found in it. I love how the Bible says to obey parents.  That obedience communicates respect.  Asking permission is actually a very important thing for children to do!

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”  Ephesians 6:1

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, tell your children how you feel about them asking for permission to do things.  Does it feel good to know they respect you?  Could this improve in your home??

How do people ask permission in your family?  Do they get “sweet eyes” and a soft voice to try to sway someone’s decision?  Or other tactics, of course.  Parents, how does that feel?

Talk about the importance of obeying parents, and you might want to look up Ephesians 6:1-4.