Partners in Parenting

“Blood All Over!”

On one of those extremely cold nights this past winter, our dog, Zeke, went outside into the sub-zero temperatures of the night.  He quickly came back into the house and its warmth.  As my wife walked through the kitchen, she quickly realized that for some strange reason there was blood all over the floor.  She soon realized that Zeke had somehow snapped a toenail in half.  I don’t know for sure, but I think it probably got rather brittle in the 20 degree below zero weather and snapped off when he hit it on the deck or something similar.  Dogs have something in their toenails called the “quick.”  It is basically a blood-filled canal that comes near the tip of the toenail.  When it gets cut, it can bleed pretty profusely.  We got the blood stopped eventually, but he couldn’t walk on that leg outside for almost 3 weeks. 

Having blood all over our house due to this event reminded me of the Passover as the 10^th Plague before Pharaoh let the Israelites leave Egypt with Moses.  It also reminds me as we near Good Friday and Easter that Jesus was our once-and-for-all Passover Lamb.  His death and resurrection assures those who have faith in Him that God will forgive all our sins.  It is through Jesus’ “blood all over” that cross on Calvary that we have been given the gift of righteousness and eternal life.  Blood all over can be a very scary thing for us (like in our house), but as Jesus’ death proves, it can also be a very good thing for us (like on the cross)!

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him!”  Romans 5:8b, 9

Family Discussion Points!

When is the last time you saw your own blood?  Was there a lot of blood or just a little?

Blood gives life to our entire body while we are alive.  Talk about how Jesus’ blood gives life to our entire being so we can live in heaven eternally.  (forgiveness of all sins)

Partners in Parenting

Being Wanted!

Most people would probably admit that they like being wanted by another person.  Being wanted means that you play a significant part in the other person’s life.  Isn’t it great to have a friend want to spend time with you?  Isn’t it a great feeling to be asked out on a date – by your spouse?  Isn’t it an awesome feeling to have your child, say to you, “I’m struggling with something, and I want your advice?”  We live as relational people desiring to be bonded with others through the mutual desiring of each other’s affection.  Being wanted by another is generally a very good thing.

However, outlaws are sometimes placed on “Wanted” lists with the police, FBI, or other law enforcement agencies.  That kind of being “Wanted” is not a good thing.  I thought I was coming to school for a regular day of school here at Trinity last week, but when I got here, I discovered that myself and two teachers were on “Wanted” posters throughout the school.  Uh Oh, what had I done?  Well, you’ll have to read the poster to find out my crime (see below).

Parenting can become a blessing of being wanted as well as a curse of being wanted.  Being wanted by my kids for A:  bedtime prayers, hugs, band aids, holding, help with problems, and general provision of food, shelter, and clothing, is something I cherish.  Being wanted by my kids for B:  spending money, a ride here or there, fixing a broken toy, the “whooping boy” of overreacting, and the general barrage of whining, complaining, and unwarranted disgruntledness is something I loathe.

Notice the difference between A and B.  As parents, kids want us to be there for them for both.  The part I find difficult is to find satisfaction in parenting with responses like the list B.  Read the two lists again.  Both lists communicate the same thing in very different ways.  They communicate – I want you in my life.  Help!

Parents need to help their children learn that love is a constant.  Love just may look as different as list A and B above.  Parents are most wanted for their love.

“[Love] always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.” I Corinthians 13:7,8a

Family Discussion Points!

When are the times that kids most want their parents around to show them love?

Parents, is discipline a form of love? Why did you answer the way you did?

Talk about the pressures of being wanted in too many directions by too many people in too short a time frame.  What does that do to a person?

Partners in Parenting

Climate Change!

I flew to Florida two weeks ago.  It was warm and sunny every day until the day I left.  It was a shock to my system.  I have been in the freezing cold climate of Michigan all winter, and I was suddenly sweating as I waited for my rental car inspection to be finished.  No, Florida wasn’t that hot.  I was just dressed in the same warm clothes as when I left Michigan.

I admit to not drinking enough water every day, but when I got to Florida, I HAD to have it.  I went to the store the morning after I got there to get a case of water.  The heat felt really hot because I just wasn’t used to it.  Just as I started to get used to it, it was time to come home to Michigan again.  Another climate change – all in the same week.

Experiencing the climate changes on my trip made me consider the climate of my home.  As a parent, I play a part in creating the “climate of our home.”  I am one of five people in my home, but I think I play a larger role in creating the climate of our home than one-fifth.  So does my wife.  As the parents, we are called by God to lead our home.  Everyone contributes to the climate, but we, as parents, are called to lead.

We can’t wait for the climate of spring to arrive and change what we’ve been enduring this winter.  Is a climate change needed at home too?  If so, who will lead making the change happen?  What if the answer to that question was…God!!  He can change the climate when we imitate His love.  “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love…” Ephesians 5:1,2a

Family Discussion Points!

Name the hottest place you’ve ever been!  Coldest!

Who wishes winter was over and why?  Do you promise today to never complain about the heat this summer??

What words would you use (or would other people use) to describe the climate of your home?  Do you want to change it?  What will change it (see above verse)?

What does love look like in a home?  What doesn’t it look like?

(I realize the climate of a home may not be very good at all.  I grew up that way, so I get it.  My parents rarely spoke a kind word to each other when I grew up.  I, also, am a sinful husband and father, and I live with sinful people in my home.  It won’t be perfect, but an overriding climate is evident.  If it isn’t good, a desire to change has to be everyone’s goal.  Don’t forget that sinfulness is in all of us, so the only perfect home will be in heaven!)

Partners in Parenting

“I Just Don’t Fit In!”

I was in the airport last week waiting for a morning flight.  I hadn’t had a cup of coffee yet, so I was happy to see a Starbucks right next to the gate I was to use for my flight.  I stood in line behind about a dozen people looking for their first cup of coffee too.  Well, I soon found out that I was the only person in line who actually wanted a cup of coffee.  I heard some crazy things coming out of the mouths of customers:

“Frappa…mocha...espressa...latta...two pumps something…ice-chilled…drizzled and frothed something…non-fat…venti…and I think someone even asked for a shot of something (liquor??? and it was 7:15am). 

Seriously, I couldn’t figure out what would finally come across that counter.  The thing I understood most was when people asked for a sleeve for their cup.  I just don’t go to Starbucks much at all, and if I do, I order what I want – COFFEE.

As I neared the counter, I felt kind of embarrassed that I was about to order a medium coffee.  How lame would that sound after all those other orders.  

I ordered. 

The nice lady behind the counter said, “That’s it?”

I replied, “Yes, just coffee – black.”

She kind of smiled, poured the cup, and stated the price.  I paid, and I walked away.

I felt like I didn’t fit in while getting a cup of coffee.  And it made me think about kids – not just kids today, but kids throughout history.  Someone not fitting in is not new for kids or adults.  There are situations and places where we don’t fit in.  I was reminded how important it is to remember where I do “fit in.”

Through faith in Jesus, I am a part of the people of God.  I am a child of the creator of the universe. I am a Christian.  I am a sheep of the Good Shepherd.  I “fit in” perfectly where it really matters. 

Parents, fitting in is something we desire for our children, but sometimes we have to help them remember how important it is to “fit in” in the right places.  “Fitting in” in the wrong places is useless.  Even Jesus didn’t always fit in!!

“Again the Jews pick up stones to stone him.”  John 10:31

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, share a time from your childhood when you wanted to fit in with others.

Kids, talk about the pressures of fitting in that you face today.

Why didn’t Jesus fit in with some of the people from his time on earth?  What is meant by fitting in in the right places and the wrong places?

Partners in Parenting

“Rebellion is GOOD!”

As of last week Friday, I announced that I am “in full rebellion” of winter.  On Friday, I didn’t wear a coat to school.  I chose a wind breaker instead.  I vowed that I am done with coats for the year, but I’d still wear jackets, hats, and gloves.  I’m tired of the cold, the snow, the wind chill, the time indoors, etc.  I’m done going along with winter, so I’m basically rebelling against it.

OK, I lasted through Saturday.  Sunday, the coat and the whole rebellion thing went by the wayside.  Looking at the below zero temperatures coming our way the next few days even further convinced me to give up on this rebellion I had started.

This short-lived rebellion reminded me of parenting.  Kids rebel against parents all the time, but the rebellion isn’t always against parents.  It is many times against the things parents stand for:  conforming behavior to the norm, being responsible, acting a certain way, or believing as parents believe.  Part of the “wiring” in children is to test limits, discover, challenge, wonder, and in essence, rebel against certain conventions forced upon them.  Many parents think a rebellious child is a bad thing.  BUT, hold on a minute…

I spoke to a large group of students and parents a few years back with a simple message:  Rebellion is GOOD.  You should have seen the looks on the faces of the kids (smirks galore) and parents (fear and trepidation).  I begged the kids to live out their teenage years in full rebellion…of the right things!!  The problem is NOT the rebellion.  The problem is what is being rebelled against.  Here are some examples:

Rebel against your parents:                            BAD

Rebel against racism:                                     GOOD

Rebel against going to worship:                      BAD

Rebel against loving your enemy:                  BAD

Rebel against hatred:                                      GOOD

Rebel against hurting others with words:        GOOD

Rebel against sin and temptation:                   GOOD

Rebel against God and His ways:                  BAD

The Bible is full of people who rebelled against evil and sinfulness to follow God’s ways.  The Bible also teaches us of how people continued to rebel against Him and find destruction waiting for them.  They rebelled against the wrong things.

God told Ezekiel to tell the Israelites to turn back to God, but they didn’t.  “You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious.”  Ezekiel 2:7

Rebelliousness isn’t bad, but rebelliousness against God is bad.  I believe rebellion is good!

Family Discussion Points!

Was it smart for me to decide to rebel against winter?  What are the consequences?

As a family, come up with a few things it is a good idea to rebel against?  What are some bad things to rebel against and their consequences?

Why do all people, even Christians, sometimes rebel against God’s ways?