Partners in Parenting

“He Smells Like Mr. Petzold!”

The other day, I had a number of Kindergarten and 1^st Grade students in the hallway at the same time.  One of them gave me a hug.  That hug started a chain reaction of many kids hugging me all at once.  As I talked to the kids a little bit, one girl made a hilarious statement to her friend as they walked away:  “He smells like Mr. Petzold.”  I thought that was such a funny thing to say – especially since I AM MR. PETZOLD.  I mean, I really shouldn’t smell like anyone but myself.  You may be reading this and getting a little concerned reading about smelling people.  However, have you noticed how each person in your family has a little different smell to them. It is their own.

I used to hold by kids, when they were babies, in front of me facing out.  One reason was so they could see the world and everyone in it.  The other reason was so I could smell their head frequently.  And all 3 of my kids smelled different from the other.  Have you noticed that in your kids.  Try it if you haven’t.

Noticing differences in a child’s smell is one thing, but noticing their unique abilities, talents, skills, dispositions, and aptitudes is another thing.  Notice those things too.  God has made each person different, and it is our job to notice those differences as parents.  When we notice those differences, we can help our kids grow up aware of who they are, who they aren’t, and who God made them to be in His world.  So tonight, take a sniff, and then watch carefully to notice their uniqueness in all things.  “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; you works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

Family Discussion Points!

Here’s a goofy one:  Give each person in your family the “sniff test” tonight.  Take notice!

Talk about unique physical traits of each person.  Unique personal traits (organized, sloppy, serious, happy-go-lucky, calm, active, etc.)

Make a point to talk about God’s unique design for each person.  He has made us.  We are HIS!!

Partners in Parenting

 “Inside vs. Outside!”

It has been rather chilly outside the last few days.  I love it, and I want to be outside in the cool air!  I know some others who hate it, and prefer to stay inside in their heated house.  While outside on a very chilly night recently, one of my kids said a pretty profound thing to me.  “I love being outside… So I am kind of cold on the outside, but I am really ‘warm’ on the inside.”  I chuckled when I heard it, but after thinking for a few seconds, I realized that the “inside” he was referring to was not about his core body temperature.  He was referring to what makes him come alive inside.  He was talking about passion, enjoyment, being alive, and intrinsic happiness.  But to a kid, it is just being “warm on the inside.”  I then thought about myself, and what makes me “warm on the inside.”  Hmm???  Like anyone reading this right now, I have many facets to my life.  Some fill me.  Some drain me.  Some bring me enjoyment.  Some bring me stress.  Some make me “warm on the inside.”  I plan to make those a little higher priority in the days ahead for myself, but I also want to make it a higher priority for the rest of my family too.  First, we have to talk more about what those things are that make each of our hearts come alive so that we feel “warm on the inside.”  “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”  Proverbs 4:23  Life is so much more about the inside than the outside!

Family Discussion Points!

Talk as a family about what makes each person feel “warm on the inside” in life.  Help each other spend more time doing those things provided they are healthy things to do.

Is Jesus love for you on each person’s list?  Is family time?   Any common things?

As you feel the sting of the cold in the days and months ahead, be mindful of the fact that God has given you a heart --- where real warmth is from anyway!

Partners in Parenting

“Teaching Kids through Challenge!”

I had the opportunity to go to Outdoor Education with the 6^th Graders last week.  I was there for an afternoon, but I got a real big lesson on parenting.  Here’s what happened:

I went to the high ropes course with a small group of students.  They received safety instructions, proper climbing equipment, and a helmet.  The students were then allowed to get “strapped in” to the safety system and explore the high ropes course on their own.  There were 2 levels to the course.  The lower level was about 15 feet in the air.  The upper level was about 25 feet in the air.  Some kids just took off for the upper level.  Other students proceeded rather cautiously on the lower level.  Others appeared very confident on one section, but had to “rest” to get up enough courage to go to the next section – the lower level had about 8 sections as did the upper level.  I joined parents in helping coach the kids around the different sections.  But not the staff from the camp!!!  What taught me a lesson was the response by the staff from the camp to kids who were “stuck” on any level or section. 

Here is a normal kind of conversation from that day:

Child:                “I can’t make it across this section.  Help me.”

Me:                   “Just start by placing your left foot…”

Staff member:   “You can do it.” Or “Think it through.” Or “Then just go back the way you came.”

I wanted to be so helpful, that I was actually teaching a poor lesson.  I was teaching “you can’t do it without help.”  The staff was teaching “your next move is a risk you’ll have to take.”  I wanted to be helpful, but I was, at some level, teaching kids that they couldn’t do it.  The staff was teaching (or empowering might be the best word) them to work through their own challenges and obstacles in life.  I’m thankful I realized this before doing too much more “coaching” from on the ground. 

The Bible lets us know that challenge and suffering is good.  “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3,4  Letting those kids suffer a bit with fear and overcome each challenge was a much better way to help them. 

My lesson on parenting was basically that I am a better help to my children when I let them suffer a bit and overcome challenges and disappointment than if I continue to rescue them from everything difficult in life. 

Family Discussion Points!

Do you (mom and dad) rescue your kids from difficult times too often or quickly?

Kids, do you struggle through homework when you don’t understand it, or do you just go ask a parent or teacher right away? What is better?

Talk with your children about the good things that struggles and challenges bring to a child.

Partners in Parenting

“Seeing is Believing!”

Each morning, our students do a “Morning News” for the school.  It is seen in every classroom on their TVs hanging on the wall.  I have a Kindergarten student who has told me every day since the first day of school, “I saw you on TV today!”  Every time I see him during the day, he makes me feel like a movie star – ha ha!  While I’m far from famous for being on our morning announcements, I am a reality in the lives of the students in a visual presence (on TV) and physical presence (in the hallways and classrooms).  They can see me.  They can talk to me.  They can get to know me.  They can hug or high five me.  Etc.

The students see me and believe I exist --- seeing is believing.  So I started thinking about whether our children can see Jesus in their life or not.  They’ve not seen Him on TV.  They’ve not heard Him talk out loud.  They’ve not had a chance to give Him a hug or high five.  Jesus is a reality in the lives of our children in many ways, but I wonder if they “see” it or not.  Paul wrote this to the early church in Corinth:  “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  II Corinthians 4:18 

Paul is talking about fixing our eyes on Jesus, but I am talking about helping children, and really adults too, see Jesus at work in their life.  Here are some concrete ways to share that with children using your words:

• “See the sunrise, Jesus made that.”  (In the morning)
• “You didn’t get hurt today partly because Jesus is always protecting you.”  (After a near accident or injury)
• “You got an A on your homework.  Great job using the great mind Jesus gave you.”  (When a student gets a good grade)
• “Hey, I heard you compliment your brother.  That happened because Jesus lives inside of you.”  (When a child uses kind words to someone)
• “Look at all the food Jesus has made available to us.” (When in the grocery store)
• “I’m sure thankful to have this house.  Who do you think gave us this house?”  (On a rainy or stormy night)

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about ways you can “see” Jesus all around you because to a young child, who thinks very concretely, “see is believing.”

Discuss 10 ways you see Jesus each day for the next 3 days – after 3 days, has that changed your perspective?  Your child(ren)’s?

Continue to point out ways you “see” Jesus each day – this is showing your children Jesus in great ways!!!

Partners in Parenting

Being Identified by your Child!

The other day, a new student came bounding up to me with “all smiles” on her face.  She jumped up into my arms, and I am thankful I caught her before she fell (I had no idea she was coming for a hug).  After hugging her, I put her down.  Then the short conversation started:

“I saw your son today. He talked to me,” she reported.

“Which son did you see?  I have two sons.  Was it Evan or Logan?” was my response.

“It was the orange one!” she said as she skipped away toward her mom.

Hilarious!!  I couldn’t stop laughing at the idea that I knew which son she meant immediately as she said the “orange one.”  She is a very little girl, and she was speaking very concretely about how she identified him.  He was wearing an orange shirt that day.

It got me to thinking – how would my kids identify me as a father?  What words would they use to describe me?  Loving? Caring?  Fun?  Boring?  Safe?  Christian?  Role model?  Etc.  Maybe the best way to ask my kids is ask for words they’d use to describe me.  It may be an eye opener for me, but I think I’ll do it at dinner tonight.

Jesus did this once with his disciples:  “Jesus asked, ‘Who do you say I am?’  Simon Peter answered, ‘You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.’”  Matthew 16:15b – 16.  Just like Peter identified Jesus as the Messiah, I know my kids can identify me and describe me.  Now I also wonder if my kids can see me and identify Jesus in me.  I’ll be asking them, will you?

Family Discussion Points!

Have each family member describe in one or two words dad, mom, and then each child in the family.

Then do the same thing with Jesus.  Use words to describe Him.

Finally, talk about how closely related those descriptive words for Jesus and each person are to each other. 

This is a tough thing to do, but it might be very rewarding for the whole family to have this discussion.