Partners in Parenting

“Because I Said So!”

During dismissal the other day, I was calling out kids names based upon the vehicle of their parents.  I do this most every day, and I think I’m getting pretty good at it at this point of the school year.  I even recognized the vehicle of a young student’s aunt on this particular day – or so I thought!! 

I asked the young boy, “Is that your aunt’s grey car in line?”

“Nope. That’s not hers” was his quick response, so I didn’t have him get ready to go home.

As his aunt drove up to pick him up, he very matter-of-factly pointed out to me, “See Mr. Petzold, her car is silver.”

I was laughing so hard inside at his assurance that silver is silver.  It is NOT grey.  I couldn’t tell the difference.  So why couldn’t grey and silver be the same?  Well, because he said so.  I don’t think I could have convinced him if I tried, that a grey car and silver car are essentially the same thing.  I decided to not bother explaining and just enjoy the good laugh for the day.

As a parent, I still use, “Because I said so…” with my kids from time to time.  I generally explain the rationale for rules, consequences, saying “no” to requests they make, etc., but sometimes, I don’t explain myself more than to say, “Because I said so.”  Some people may think I should always explain, but due to the loving and trusting relationship a parent has with their child, an explanation isn’t always needed.  Over time, children learn that their parents have love and good things in mind for them in all situations.  At the heart of the issue is TRUST.  Children trust parents who are consistently creating boundaries that are clear – much more clear than the difference between grey and silver.

The 10 commandments from God are very clear.  I find it interesting that he doesn’t explain why to any of the commandments until the 4^th one:  “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord you God is giving you.”  Exodus 20:12  Before that one, there is no explanation from God, but the Israelites were to obey out of trust for God simply “because He said so.”

Family Discussion Points!

Why are there rules and boundaries in every home?  Are they loving or hurtful?

Is “Because I said so” an acceptable response in your home?  Why or why not?

Why is explaining boundaries important?  Why is not having to explain boundaries important?

Partners in Parenting

“Parental Seasons of Life!”

After church yesterday, Jen, the kids, and I went outside together to cut down all the dead or dying landscape plants.  “Chop, chop, chop, and throw away!”  That pattern repeated itself as we made our way all around the house.  There are a few bushes left and some fall plants enjoying their “time to shine” right now, but our landscape looks pretty bare and ready for winter.  As for the landscape:  Now is the time to cut down.  Winter is the time of dormancy. Spring is a time for new growth.  Summer is a time for beauty.  It is a pattern.

After we worked, I had some alone time to think, and I thought about how parenting has a multitude of “seasons” to endure – not just four!  Actually, all of life has different seasons, but the parenting seasons stick out for me because that is where Jen and I are right now.  So I started to list some seasons I could think of for parents:

Pregnancy and Preparation

Baby comes home

Sleepless nights

Another baby on the way

Accident or illness

Off to school

First report card with “real” grades

A call from the principal’s office

Driving to extra-curricular activities

High School

Driver’s Training then loaning out the car

Graduation

College

Significant others

Engagement

Paying for a wedding

Having in-laws

Becoming grandparents

And there are more things all along the way

Some of these I know from being a parent.  Some I know from observing my own parents.  Nevertheless, there is a time and season for these parental activities, but the season doesn’t last forever.  New seasons come.  We shouldn’t be surprised.  God said it would happen:  “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:”  Ecclesiastes 3:1

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, talk about the “season” of parenting you are now in.  Like it?  If not, remember, seasons change.  Enjoy the season for what it is before it is gone.

Reminisce a little about “seasons” past.

Talk about “seasons” to come, but don’t let it frighten youJ  It will come and go like the rest.

Partners in Parenting

“He Smells Like Mr. Petzold!”

The other day, I had a number of Kindergarten and 1^st Grade students in the hallway at the same time.  One of them gave me a hug.  That hug started a chain reaction of many kids hugging me all at once.  As I talked to the kids a little bit, one girl made a hilarious statement to her friend as they walked away:  “He smells like Mr. Petzold.”  I thought that was such a funny thing to say – especially since I AM MR. PETZOLD.  I mean, I really shouldn’t smell like anyone but myself.  You may be reading this and getting a little concerned reading about smelling people.  However, have you noticed how each person in your family has a little different smell to them. It is their own.

I used to hold by kids, when they were babies, in front of me facing out.  One reason was so they could see the world and everyone in it.  The other reason was so I could smell their head frequently.  And all 3 of my kids smelled different from the other.  Have you noticed that in your kids.  Try it if you haven’t.

Noticing differences in a child’s smell is one thing, but noticing their unique abilities, talents, skills, dispositions, and aptitudes is another thing.  Notice those things too.  God has made each person different, and it is our job to notice those differences as parents.  When we notice those differences, we can help our kids grow up aware of who they are, who they aren’t, and who God made them to be in His world.  So tonight, take a sniff, and then watch carefully to notice their uniqueness in all things.  “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; you works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

Family Discussion Points!

Here’s a goofy one:  Give each person in your family the “sniff test” tonight.  Take notice!

Talk about unique physical traits of each person.  Unique personal traits (organized, sloppy, serious, happy-go-lucky, calm, active, etc.)

Make a point to talk about God’s unique design for each person.  He has made us.  We are HIS!!

Partners in Parenting

 “Inside vs. Outside!”

It has been rather chilly outside the last few days.  I love it, and I want to be outside in the cool air!  I know some others who hate it, and prefer to stay inside in their heated house.  While outside on a very chilly night recently, one of my kids said a pretty profound thing to me.  “I love being outside… So I am kind of cold on the outside, but I am really ‘warm’ on the inside.”  I chuckled when I heard it, but after thinking for a few seconds, I realized that the “inside” he was referring to was not about his core body temperature.  He was referring to what makes him come alive inside.  He was talking about passion, enjoyment, being alive, and intrinsic happiness.  But to a kid, it is just being “warm on the inside.”  I then thought about myself, and what makes me “warm on the inside.”  Hmm???  Like anyone reading this right now, I have many facets to my life.  Some fill me.  Some drain me.  Some bring me enjoyment.  Some bring me stress.  Some make me “warm on the inside.”  I plan to make those a little higher priority in the days ahead for myself, but I also want to make it a higher priority for the rest of my family too.  First, we have to talk more about what those things are that make each of our hearts come alive so that we feel “warm on the inside.”  “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”  Proverbs 4:23  Life is so much more about the inside than the outside!

Family Discussion Points!

Talk as a family about what makes each person feel “warm on the inside” in life.  Help each other spend more time doing those things provided they are healthy things to do.

Is Jesus love for you on each person’s list?  Is family time?   Any common things?

As you feel the sting of the cold in the days and months ahead, be mindful of the fact that God has given you a heart --- where real warmth is from anyway!

Partners in Parenting

“Teaching Kids through Challenge!”

I had the opportunity to go to Outdoor Education with the 6^th Graders last week.  I was there for an afternoon, but I got a real big lesson on parenting.  Here’s what happened:

I went to the high ropes course with a small group of students.  They received safety instructions, proper climbing equipment, and a helmet.  The students were then allowed to get “strapped in” to the safety system and explore the high ropes course on their own.  There were 2 levels to the course.  The lower level was about 15 feet in the air.  The upper level was about 25 feet in the air.  Some kids just took off for the upper level.  Other students proceeded rather cautiously on the lower level.  Others appeared very confident on one section, but had to “rest” to get up enough courage to go to the next section – the lower level had about 8 sections as did the upper level.  I joined parents in helping coach the kids around the different sections.  But not the staff from the camp!!!  What taught me a lesson was the response by the staff from the camp to kids who were “stuck” on any level or section. 

Here is a normal kind of conversation from that day:

Child:                “I can’t make it across this section.  Help me.”

Me:                   “Just start by placing your left foot…”

Staff member:   “You can do it.” Or “Think it through.” Or “Then just go back the way you came.”

I wanted to be so helpful, that I was actually teaching a poor lesson.  I was teaching “you can’t do it without help.”  The staff was teaching “your next move is a risk you’ll have to take.”  I wanted to be helpful, but I was, at some level, teaching kids that they couldn’t do it.  The staff was teaching (or empowering might be the best word) them to work through their own challenges and obstacles in life.  I’m thankful I realized this before doing too much more “coaching” from on the ground. 

The Bible lets us know that challenge and suffering is good.  “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3,4  Letting those kids suffer a bit with fear and overcome each challenge was a much better way to help them. 

My lesson on parenting was basically that I am a better help to my children when I let them suffer a bit and overcome challenges and disappointment than if I continue to rescue them from everything difficult in life. 

Family Discussion Points!

Do you (mom and dad) rescue your kids from difficult times too often or quickly?

Kids, do you struggle through homework when you don’t understand it, or do you just go ask a parent or teacher right away? What is better?

Talk with your children about the good things that struggles and challenges bring to a child.