Partners in Parenting

“What Season Is It?”

With the bitter cold we’ve been experiencing, I’ve been looking ahead at the 10-day forecast quite a bit.  My hope is to be encouraged by looking ahead at the warm weather coming our way soon.  I mean, really, March is only a few days away, and March means Spring.  Spring means warmer weather.  Warmer weather mean more time spent outside.  I’ve been looking ahead with lots of discouragement though.  March is going to get here, but the warmer days don’t really seem to be coming with it.  I said to myself yesterday while looking at the forecast, “What season is it, anyway?”  I was merely expressing my frustration with the continual cold weather.  Just then, my son sent me a text message.

That reminded me that parenting has different seasons.  I watch parents arrive at school every day.  Some turn left and head down to Kindergarten – 5^th Grade.  Others turn right toward 6^th Grade – 8^th Grade.  These students are very different based upon their season of life.  All parents are experiencing very different “seasons” of their role as parents.  The constant is that parents are still parents (yes, even when children are 35 or older), and your children will always be your children (yes, even when children are 35 or older).  The “seasons” of growing up change.  The “seasons” of parenting your children change.  The constant is that parents and children are forever connected in a loving relationship that needs to be fostered in order to endure as the “seasons” change.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:” Ecclesiastes 3:1

Family Discussion Points!

Discuss what stages or seasons each person in the family is in right now.  (Parents, I pray your kids don’t tell you that you are just plain oldJ)

Talk about how growing up changes for kids.  Parents, this is a good time to listen more than anything.

Talk about how parenting changes as kids grow up.  Kids, this is a good time to listen more than anything.

Talk about the “season” that is ahead in the next few years like:  Kindergarten, middle school, high school, college, more freedom, beginning a sport or activity, etc.

Partners in Parenting

Partners in Parenting

“Asking Permission!”

“Mom, can I have a cookie?” 

“Dad, can I go to my friend’s house?”

“Is it OK if I clean up my toys later?  C’mon mom, pleeeeeeeeaaaaase!”

“Dad, can I drive your truck?  Just a little bit in the parking lot after church?”

These are just examples of kids asking for permission.  Asking permission is a very good thing because it helps kids avoid getting into trouble that they might not see coming.  I once went to a friend’s house when I was in 6^th grade.  The problem was not going to my friend’s house.  The problem was that I went without asking permission.  (Remember, there were no cell phones when I was in 6^th grade)  Another time, I drove the car to a favorite fishing spot without asking permission.  My parents weren’t too happy about that incident - especially since I was 14 at the time (country life is very different than city life, but it was still wrong to do).  Giving permission to do something is granting freedom to your child.  Parents grant permission based upon what they know about the situation while children may not have any idea whether the idea is good or bad.  Asking permission also communicates respect to the parent by the child.  My dog, Zeke, is trained to ask permission by sitting down.  Here is a picture of him looking at me while asking permission to get up on the couch next to my wife.  The fact that he is asking me is also communicating respect for me.

God’s Word is the ultimate place to find out what we have permission to do and what we do not have permission to do.  We have permission to love, help, support, act kindly toward others, etc.  We do not have permission to hurt, demean, covet, speak poorly about others, etc.  We have permission to speak the truth with grace.  We do not have permission to waiver or sway away from God’s Word or the commands found in it. I love how the Bible says to obey parents.  That obedience communicates respect.  Asking permission is actually a very important thing for children to do!

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”  Ephesians 6:1

Family Discussion Points!

Parents, tell your children how you feel about them asking for permission to do things.  Does it feel good to know they respect you?  Could this improve in your home??

How do people ask permission in your family?  Do they get “sweet eyes” and a soft voice to try to sway someone’s decision?  Or other tactics, of course.  Parents, how does that feel?

Talk about the importance of obeying parents, and you might want to look up Ephesians 6:1-4.

Partners in Parenting

“Now It’s Personal!”

The students are enjoying the latest Box Top Contest here at school where they earn pretend snowballs to pretend throw at other classes in a big pretend snowball fight.  They are doing this all while raising money for our school by bringing in Box Tops.

Well, last week, Kindergarten decided to throw one at the school office.  I mentioned to the students how I was “going to get them back” in the next few days.  Looking back, maybe I shouldn’t have done that since the office now has a whole bunch of “snowballs” thrown at us by various grades.  I even caught a small group of 1^st Grade girls taping snowballs to the office door, and I “chased” them down the hall.  You should have heard the screams of laughter and excitement. 

Thursday, last week, I came back to my office to see that 5^th Grade decided to not just involve the office, which includes Mrs. Knopf and Mrs. Howard, but they came right after me alone.  See my office door and the school office door!

This reminded me of how we have a personal God who loves us, forgives us, and promises us eternal life.  He doesn’t just love us.  He loves me.  He doesn’t just want to hear our prayers.  He wants to hear my prayers.  He hasn’t only prepared a place in heaven for Christians.  He has prepared a place in heaven for me.  Remind your kids of God’s love for each of them, but trying to explain that to them is easier if you believe it yourself.  “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  John 3:16   Now, that’s personal!

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about what it means to have a personal conversation instead of a public conversation with a friend.  Talk about how that relates to prayer with God being very personal where you can just talk to him like you are all alone with Him and nobody else.

Discuss your thoughts on God being the God of the world or universe as well as the God of you.  Do you like having a God that is interested in you as a person?  Why or Why not?

Keep saving Box Tops!  We appreciate itJ

Partners in Parenting

“Idiosyncrasies!”

I finally got a new coat for winter recently.  I’ve had the same one for almost 20 years, and I knew it was time.  Love the coat, but the frigid cold over the past few weeks revealed something very odd about this coat – it crinkles really loudly when it’s cold.  It is like the whole outer fabric is frozen solid, and I’m breaking it free with every move.  Talk about an odd thing for a winter coat.  Odd things are like idiosyncrasies.

Idiosyncrasies – we all have them.  Every person I know does certain things, in certain ways, at certain times, for certain reasons, to certain people, and usually without certain knowledge that it is even happening.  We all just have these things we do. 

For instance: 

Kids know what parents do when frustrated and about to “take action.”  Just ask them.  So what is it:  grunt, sigh, get quiet, flubber your lips, grit your teeth, roll your eyes, raise your eyebrows, stiffen your shoulders, and lots of other things unique to each person? 

Kids know when their parent is about to give them a hug.  They walk a certain way, extend arms, wipe hands off, or some other indicator that they are going to hug you.  Parents also know when their kids are coming to get a hug or give a hug.  Over time, you just learn these things.

It is good that we are all different and yet function well together.  Paul talked about that in the early church as a very valuable asset to the believers.  Idiosyncrasies are also very valuable to your family life.  “…so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”  Romans 12:5

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about the cool, neat, or enjoyable idiosyncrasies of others in your family.

Play this game:  Who in your family is the most: organized, happy, relaxed, responsible, hard-working, joking, considerate, empathetic to the needs of others, helpful without being asked, likely to sleep in, determined to overcome, etc.

Now think about your pets, grandparents, or other people you generally love and see if you can identify some of their idiosyncrasies that make them, well…just them!!!

Partners in Parenting

“Plans are only plans.  Reality is what counts!”

As the principal, I get to review all the teachers’ lesson plans each week.  They hand them in on Monday, and I make sure I go through them by the end of the day Monday.  I enjoy seeing all the great things the teachers are doing with their kids.  The projects, Bible stories, literature, writing assignments, art, math, etc. are interesting for me to see.  However, I have to admit that there is one teacher’s plans that I like better than any other.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I like them all, but one set of plans makes me laugh out loud every time – because I have NO IDEA WHAT THEY MEAN!  Can you guess what teacher??  See below for the answer.

The last time I looked at these plans, I was reminded of how these plans really mean nothing to me because I can’t read very much of them.  What matters to me is the reality of what is happening in that classroom – and it is awesome.  I think I’m confused looking at lesson plans, but I get really confused seeing the lesson plans in action because not only can I not understand the teacher…I can’t understand the students.  With that being the case, I know it must be good stuff happening.

I’m also reminded of how our kids look forward to things.  Planning a trip is fun, but actually going on the trip is what counts.  Planning to play a family game tomorrow night is a great idea, but actually playing a game together is what really counts.  Planning becomes meaningless if it isn’t followed by reality!

Jesus tells a short parable of two sons in Matthew 21:28-32.  Both sons make a plan regarding their father’s request, but only one follows his father’s request and works in the vineyard.  Jesus is clearly sharing with the Pharisees that there is a huge distinction between planning to follow God and actually following God.  It took some lesson plans to remind me of that truth!

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about a time when you planned to do something as a family, and for some reason it didn’t happen.  How did that feel?

Talk about the Bible passage in Matthew 21, and what it means to plan to obey your parents and actually obey your parents.

Can you guess without looking below whose lesson plans I’m referring to above?  If not, see the end of this section.

Mrs. Anne Phillips – Spanish

Partners in Parenting

“What is that?!?!”

I went to the closet this morning to get my coat before leaving for school.  I noticed some small round object on the floor near the closet door.  I started to bend over to pick it up figuring it was something rather ordinary.  At the last moment, I decided I probably shouldn’t pick it up since I didn’t know what it was.  The area of the floor was dark, so I turned on the light to see what it could be.  My foot was right beside this thing when the light went on, but I quickly jumped back once I could see it.  I was rather astonished!!

Here’s a picture.  Can you guess what it is on the rug??

I immediately started thinking things like bloated spider, poisonous snail out of its shell, fungus growing out of control, etc.  Then I started thinking about whether it was alive, dead, soft, hard, fast or slow moving, non-moving, poisonous to touch, etc.  I was utterly confused, and kept thinking to myself, “What is that?”

I took a picture before finding out for myself what it was on the rug.

This whole event this morning made me think of Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem.  People had no idea what that child would do.  People could not fully understand who that child was in being God sent down to earth.  Shepherds heard of his birth and came looking for that child wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger, but did they fully comprehend the fact that that child was the Savior of the world?  The innkeeper, the animals in the stable, the people in town who were relatives of Joseph, and anyone else around when Jesus was born wouldn’t have known the destiny of that child or all of humankind because of His life, death, and resurrection.

Far too often, I keep thinking of baby Jesus during the Christmas season, and I don’t think about Savior Jesus...  even though that child is both baby and Savior.  The angel told the shepherds exactly what they needed to know about that child in Bethlehem:  “Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.”  Luke 2:11

Family Discussion Points!

Take a guess at what the object in the picture is.  You can write down your guesses or email me if you’d likeJ

Talk about the people alive when Jesus was born and what they would have thought about this new baby.  Do you think they would have had any idea who was just born?

As you celebrate Christmas, don’t focus too much on the “What is that?” and miss out on understanding “Who is that?”

Partners in Parenting

“Memories CAN be relived!”

This past weekend, our family relived an old and very happy memory.  We’ve always had a real Christmas tree.  The only memory our kids have had (with the exception of 2013) is going to a farm and finding our own Christmas tree.  Once we find the perfect tree, we then have to cut it down ourselves, drag it to where the tractor and wagon will pick us up, and wait for the farmer to deliver us and the tree back to our vehicle.  We did this over the weekend at the same farm the kids had gone to for years when they were young.  It was a wonderful time, and it brought back lots of events and stories from the past.  The kids ran around looking at trees and declaring, “This is the one!”  However, when the others in the family gave it a good looking-over, it was not “the one.”  So the search continued while walking through acres of trees on the farm until finally, way in the back of the farm, the perfect tree was identified.  I cut it down, and it fell on top of Evan – yes, another memory was made.  He was not injured, but we all had a great laugh together.  It is now a memory that will be relived again.  Maybe not physically relived, but I bet it will be told someday so we can relive it again…and again…and again…

Parent make memories for their family in the traditions of the family.  Sometimes, we aren’t even aware of those memories being made.  Think about some memories together and relive them as a family.  Either relive them physically by going there and doing that, or by talking about them!  Either way, they are being relived and create happy memories as you can see from the picture of my kids!

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about Christmas memories that are a part of your family.  When did they start?  Did you plan to have that memory be an important memory or did it just happen?

Telling stories about the past can help connect kids to their roots.  Share memories from your own Christmas celebrations growing up.  Your kids will love it.

If you want to start a new memory for your kids, NOW is the time to do it.  Talk about that as spouses to determine what you might want to start.