Partners in Parenting

Partners in Parenting

"Enjoying Someone Else’s Success!”

As some of you may know about me, I have a passion for the outdoors – and deer hunting in particular. Over the Thanksgiving weekend, I

was able to spend a day in the woods with a very close friend, his college-age son, and a foreign exchange student from China assigned to his

son. We had a great day together watching the snow fall, sun rise, animals, etc….. In the end, my friend and his son were both successful in

harvesting a deer. I, on the other hand, missed when the opportunity presented itself. They experienced success. I experienced failure. I

found myself sharing in their joy due to their success and my own failure didn’t bother me. At the end of the day, I contemplated how that

was a pretty odd feeling for me. I’m usually pretty upset with myself when I fail at something in life. I fail all the time at things, and I don’t

like it. I also found it odd that I would be so excited about someone else’s success at the very same time that I had failed. I’m very thankful

my heart was filled with joy and not envy. Paul expressed his joy for the believers in Ephesus even though he was enduring great persecution

for his faith –

Ephesians 1:15, 16 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I

have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.”

The events of this past weekend reminded me to find joy in the

success of others despite what is happening in my life. Paul did it for the early Christians, and I think Christians today can do that for each

other.

Family Discussion Points!

Share some personal failures with each other. Now share some personal successes with each other.

Consider this – as you “fail” at something, is it OK with you that others “succeed?” Why or why not?

Paul is excited about the faith of the Christians in Ephesus. What do we tend to get excited about in our own lives?

Partners in Parenting

“Good Days and Bad Days!”

“So, how was your day?”  These are pretty common words shared amongst family members.  Parents ask their kids the question referring to school.  Spouses ask each other the question referring to each other’s work day.  Our sincere hope for our family members is that they have indeed had a good day and not a bad day.  Ideally, everyone would respond to that question with a glowing response filled with wonderful details about the abundance of blessings showered upon them by amazing people throughout the entire experience of their day…YEAH RIGHT!  (sarcasm intended)  Notice I started that sentence with the word “ideally.”  We don’t live in an ideal world.  Instead, we live in a sinful world.  Kids don’t go to school with 100% “ideal” classmates.  Adults do not work with “ideal” coworkers.  None of us live next to 100% “ideal” neighbors.  In fact, none of us are “ideal” to everyone else, and I guess now…I’m just wondering what “ideal” even means.

I want my kids to have good days, but I also know that God’s Word is truth, and some days will not be the fantastic experience we all hoped for.  Matthew 6:34b  Jesus says, “Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  I think we would be wise to celebrate and acknowledge all the good days, but also all the good things in each day.  Whether the day as a whole was good or bad, there are good things to take from that day.  Taking good things from the day instead of dwelling on the bad things can be the perspective that actually makes the day a good day!!  Celebrate it!

Family Discussion Points!

Discuss the ideal friend, parent, child, neighbor, etc. – tough to do!!

Talk about the good things from the day – ONLY the good things.  Nothing bad.  That’s hard to do, isn’t it?

Celebrate and thank God for all the good parts of each day on a daily basis even if it is just thinking about them during your drive time.

Partners in Parenting

“Cool Chills but Cold Bites!”

Chills = relaxed and enjoyable

Bites = painfully unpleasant

These definitions are ones I made up for the purpose of this writing!

The cool autumn air makes me feel rather “chills” inside.  I love the cool weather: jeans, sweatshirts, football, leaves, etc. are great, but now we are into November.  The cold this past weekend was the kind of cold that “bites.”  The air was moist with the wind blowing out of the north.  I was not outside very long when the cold became more than uncomfortable.  The cold penetrated all the way to my bones, and I thought, “Wow, this cold really bites all the way through me.”

As I endured the cold, I was reminded of how my words can be “chills” or “bites” to others.  Most times, I don’t desire to hurt anyone, but it can happen.  I don’t want words to be unpleasant, but sometimes they are.  I especially need to be aware of this as a parent.  James 1:19 “My dear brothers, take note of this:  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about a time you hurt someone with your words without intending to do so.

What kind of words do you remember most easily:  words that chill or words that bite?

Why are we to be slow to speak?  What’s the benefit?

Partners in Parenting

“Finding Value!”

I don’t like shopping, but I like it when I find what I am intending to buy – and it’s on SALE!!  It makes me feel good to get more value for my dollar.  One of my kids commented yesterday, “When I’m old enough to drive, gas is going to be $20.”  A family conversation about the value of things over time launched from that statement.  It made me think about what I value in life.  Have you thought about that lately?  I haven’t, and yet, I know that considering what I value will impact how I live my life, with whom I spend time, and where I will invest my energy.  God has found value in humankind, and He sent his son to die for everyone.  We are that valuable to Him!  In talking about birds and humans, Jesus said, “Are you not much more valuable than they [birds]?” Matthew 6:26.  I encourage you to talk about the things you value in life with your family.

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about the things each family member values.  Talk about the people each family member values.  Prioritize worship and time with God against all the things you mentioned as things you value.

Consider things that have little or no value to you.

Talk about value over time – my kids really understood the value of toys that were expensive when they first came out compared to their value today (Nintendo DS, iPod, etc.).

Partners in Parenting

“Significant Days!”

I have been spending a great deal of time with my dad lately until he died in the Lord on October 17, 2012.  He broke his hip on

September 25^th.  He had been in the hospital and a nursing home since being taken by ambulance from his farm.  Those days leading up to October 17^th are going to be very memorable for me.  I watched him quickly decline in health and in spirit.  I watched him deal with intense pain.  I saw him struggle to gather his thoughts to express what he was thinking.  That is the down-side of those days.  The up-side of those days is that I got to talk to him about his life and learn new things.  I never knew that he got to play one game of football and one game of baseball each year.  Otherwise, he had to work on the farm.  I also got to speak German to him because he spoke German and English growing up.  In his last five days, he rarely spoke in English at all.  He and I never really spoke German to each other, but we did for five days. 

October 17^th has been a significant date for my dad.  His great-grandfather died on October 17, 1890.  He and his dad were in a car accident on October 17, 1961, and his dad eventually died over a month later from injuries sustained in the accident.  He even commented to me before that “maybe I’ll go on October 17^th too.”  Yes, a significant day for him during his life.

The truth is – every day has significance.  My dad’s final days on earth are significant to me, but so are all the days I spent with him from my birth until his final days.  I am vividly reminded that all days have significance, and I want to remember that as I parent my own children.  The things parents do or don’t do in the life of their child matter and are significant.  As my dad is now in heaven, I’d have to say that he is now living the most significant days he’ll ever have because he is with Jesus!!  Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  My dad’s favorite verse.

Family Discussion Points!

What are some significant dates on the calendar for your family?

Talk about your favorite family memories from the last year – just to remind others of the significance of time together.

Talk about how significant it is for us to spend eternity with Jesus above anything we accomplish here on earth.

Partners in Parenting

“The ‘Laundry Fairy’”!

I got home late in the evening yesterday, and I was overjoyed to discover that the “Laundry Fairy” had come to the house while I was gone.  While nobody was looking, I gave a quick fist pump in celebration that I wouldn’t have to be the “Laundry Fairy” this time.  We call the “Laundry Fairy” the person or people who fold the laundry for the family.  At our house, the clean laundry gets put on the couch until it gets folded for everyone to take upstairs to their dresser.  The hard part was done, and I was so happy that someone else had done the work.  The “Laundry Fairy” is a light-hearted way that we keep the work done around the house that needs to get done for our home to function smoothly.  Yes, work is required for homes to function smoothly!  What about your home?  Is everyone doing work to help and support the needs of the family?  What about making meals, setting the table, cleaning, chores, homework, etc., etc., etc.  Many times work is viewed as a curse instead of a blessing.  That is not so.  Work is a blessing given by God for serving others.  “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.” Genesis 2:15

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about who is the “Laundry Fairy” at your house.  Do you have any other “Fairies” to mention??

Thank family members for the work they do around the house on a daily basis.  Make this an on-going habit to notice the work of others and thank them.

Talk about how doing work is a blessing even when we see it as a real “pain in the neck” to have to do.  (NOTE: Work is a blessing because it is one of the things God put man on the earth to do – work in order to care for things and people He has given you.)  Is work an act of love?  Talk about it.

Partners in Parenting

“Singular or Plural?”

Singular means one.  Plural means more than one.  Seems pretty simple, but our house has become infected with pluralistic tendencies!  Let me explain:

 The alarm goes off, and I say to Jen “Good morning, Honey” in a soft voice.  She usually quietly responds with “Good morning, Hun” in a similar soft tone.  She then calls our chocolate lab up on the bed to lay by her and says in a louder and high-pitched voice (z is used to reflect the actual sound spoken), “Goodz morningz Zekes.  Mommaz loves youz soz muches – yes Iz doz!  Youz suchez az goodz boyz!”  And on and on it goes!  She talks to the dog in a completely plural tense all the time.  It seems crazy, and you might wonder where she got this strange behavior.  I’ll tell you – Logan!  Logan started it and still does the same thing.  I laugh and tease them a bit when I hear this.  I like to remind them we only have one dog named Zeke, not two or three.

This reminds me of how God in the world today has really become like gods to many people.  The thinking that “they are really all the same god” is very pervasive and pluralistic – and it is also 100% false.  There is only one God.  The rest are phonies!  Our kids need to know about that because they can be deceived if they are not aware of the truth on this point.  The Old Testament is filled with idol worship (gods), and the Israelites had a hard time resisting alternate gods.  It was real then, and it is real today.  It is important in our Christian walk that we get that right!!  “Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.”  Deuteronomy 6:4

Family Discussion Points!

What “other gods” exist today from religions or life in general?

Name some things where it would be strange to have only one in your entire house (TV, sink, door, etc.)  Name some things where it would be strange to have more than one in your entire house (kitchen, driveway, etc.)

Discuss why this idea of only one God is important to be clear on!!