Partners in Parenting

 “Inside vs. Outside!”

It has been rather chilly outside the last few days.  I love it, and I want to be outside in the cool air!  I know some others who hate it, and prefer to stay inside in their heated house.  While outside on a very chilly night recently, one of my kids said a pretty profound thing to me.  “I love being outside… So I am kind of cold on the outside, but I am really ‘warm’ on the inside.”  I chuckled when I heard it, but after thinking for a few seconds, I realized that the “inside” he was referring to was not about his core body temperature.  He was referring to what makes him come alive inside.  He was talking about passion, enjoyment, being alive, and intrinsic happiness.  But to a kid, it is just being “warm on the inside.”  I then thought about myself, and what makes me “warm on the inside.”  Hmm???  Like anyone reading this right now, I have many facets to my life.  Some fill me.  Some drain me.  Some bring me enjoyment.  Some bring me stress.  Some make me “warm on the inside.”  I plan to make those a little higher priority in the days ahead for myself, but I also want to make it a higher priority for the rest of my family too.  First, we have to talk more about what those things are that make each of our hearts come alive so that we feel “warm on the inside.”  “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”  Proverbs 4:23  Life is so much more about the inside than the outside!

Family Discussion Points!

Talk as a family about what makes each person feel “warm on the inside” in life.  Help each other spend more time doing those things provided they are healthy things to do.

Is Jesus love for you on each person’s list?  Is family time?   Any common things?

As you feel the sting of the cold in the days and months ahead, be mindful of the fact that God has given you a heart --- where real warmth is from anyway!

Partners in Parenting

“Teaching Kids through Challenge!”

I had the opportunity to go to Outdoor Education with the 6^th Graders last week.  I was there for an afternoon, but I got a real big lesson on parenting.  Here’s what happened:

I went to the high ropes course with a small group of students.  They received safety instructions, proper climbing equipment, and a helmet.  The students were then allowed to get “strapped in” to the safety system and explore the high ropes course on their own.  There were 2 levels to the course.  The lower level was about 15 feet in the air.  The upper level was about 25 feet in the air.  Some kids just took off for the upper level.  Other students proceeded rather cautiously on the lower level.  Others appeared very confident on one section, but had to “rest” to get up enough courage to go to the next section – the lower level had about 8 sections as did the upper level.  I joined parents in helping coach the kids around the different sections.  But not the staff from the camp!!!  What taught me a lesson was the response by the staff from the camp to kids who were “stuck” on any level or section. 

Here is a normal kind of conversation from that day:

Child:                “I can’t make it across this section.  Help me.”

Me:                   “Just start by placing your left foot…”

Staff member:   “You can do it.” Or “Think it through.” Or “Then just go back the way you came.”

I wanted to be so helpful, that I was actually teaching a poor lesson.  I was teaching “you can’t do it without help.”  The staff was teaching “your next move is a risk you’ll have to take.”  I wanted to be helpful, but I was, at some level, teaching kids that they couldn’t do it.  The staff was teaching (or empowering might be the best word) them to work through their own challenges and obstacles in life.  I’m thankful I realized this before doing too much more “coaching” from on the ground. 

The Bible lets us know that challenge and suffering is good.  “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3,4  Letting those kids suffer a bit with fear and overcome each challenge was a much better way to help them. 

My lesson on parenting was basically that I am a better help to my children when I let them suffer a bit and overcome challenges and disappointment than if I continue to rescue them from everything difficult in life. 

Family Discussion Points!

Do you (mom and dad) rescue your kids from difficult times too often or quickly?

Kids, do you struggle through homework when you don’t understand it, or do you just go ask a parent or teacher right away? What is better?

Talk with your children about the good things that struggles and challenges bring to a child.

Partners in Parenting

“Seeing is Believing!”

Each morning, our students do a “Morning News” for the school.  It is seen in every classroom on their TVs hanging on the wall.  I have a Kindergarten student who has told me every day since the first day of school, “I saw you on TV today!”  Every time I see him during the day, he makes me feel like a movie star – ha ha!  While I’m far from famous for being on our morning announcements, I am a reality in the lives of the students in a visual presence (on TV) and physical presence (in the hallways and classrooms).  They can see me.  They can talk to me.  They can get to know me.  They can hug or high five me.  Etc.

The students see me and believe I exist --- seeing is believing.  So I started thinking about whether our children can see Jesus in their life or not.  They’ve not seen Him on TV.  They’ve not heard Him talk out loud.  They’ve not had a chance to give Him a hug or high five.  Jesus is a reality in the lives of our children in many ways, but I wonder if they “see” it or not.  Paul wrote this to the early church in Corinth:  “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  II Corinthians 4:18 

Paul is talking about fixing our eyes on Jesus, but I am talking about helping children, and really adults too, see Jesus at work in their life.  Here are some concrete ways to share that with children using your words:

• “See the sunrise, Jesus made that.”  (In the morning)
• “You didn’t get hurt today partly because Jesus is always protecting you.”  (After a near accident or injury)
• “You got an A on your homework.  Great job using the great mind Jesus gave you.”  (When a student gets a good grade)
• “Hey, I heard you compliment your brother.  That happened because Jesus lives inside of you.”  (When a child uses kind words to someone)
• “Look at all the food Jesus has made available to us.” (When in the grocery store)
• “I’m sure thankful to have this house.  Who do you think gave us this house?”  (On a rainy or stormy night)

Family Discussion Points!

Talk about ways you can “see” Jesus all around you because to a young child, who thinks very concretely, “see is believing.”

Discuss 10 ways you see Jesus each day for the next 3 days – after 3 days, has that changed your perspective?  Your child(ren)’s?

Continue to point out ways you “see” Jesus each day – this is showing your children Jesus in great ways!!!

Partners in Parenting

Being Identified by your Child!

The other day, a new student came bounding up to me with “all smiles” on her face.  She jumped up into my arms, and I am thankful I caught her before she fell (I had no idea she was coming for a hug).  After hugging her, I put her down.  Then the short conversation started:

“I saw your son today. He talked to me,” she reported.

“Which son did you see?  I have two sons.  Was it Evan or Logan?” was my response.

“It was the orange one!” she said as she skipped away toward her mom.

Hilarious!!  I couldn’t stop laughing at the idea that I knew which son she meant immediately as she said the “orange one.”  She is a very little girl, and she was speaking very concretely about how she identified him.  He was wearing an orange shirt that day.

It got me to thinking – how would my kids identify me as a father?  What words would they use to describe me?  Loving? Caring?  Fun?  Boring?  Safe?  Christian?  Role model?  Etc.  Maybe the best way to ask my kids is ask for words they’d use to describe me.  It may be an eye opener for me, but I think I’ll do it at dinner tonight.

Jesus did this once with his disciples:  “Jesus asked, ‘Who do you say I am?’  Simon Peter answered, ‘You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.’”  Matthew 16:15b – 16.  Just like Peter identified Jesus as the Messiah, I know my kids can identify me and describe me.  Now I also wonder if my kids can see me and identify Jesus in me.  I’ll be asking them, will you?

Family Discussion Points!

Have each family member describe in one or two words dad, mom, and then each child in the family.

Then do the same thing with Jesus.  Use words to describe Him.

Finally, talk about how closely related those descriptive words for Jesus and each person are to each other. 

This is a tough thing to do, but it might be very rewarding for the whole family to have this discussion.

Partners in Parenting

“Independence vs. Dependence!”

As you consider your children, which attribute is better?  Independence or dependence?  Hmm?  Well, if you have a newborn that isn’t sleeping through the night because they need to be fed, you probably favor a little independence.  However, if your child is continually sneaking off to be alone, watch TV, play video games, etc., you probably favor dependence a bit.  Some children are “wired” for dependence while others for independence.  So which is better?

Actually, I think they both have their place.  Finding the right balance is the key.  All ages of development (even into adulthood) require dependence on others.  After all, when is the last time one of your children bought their own shoes?  No, they depend on us parents for food, clothing, home, etc.  All ages of development (even into adulthood) require independence too.  After all, when is the last time a parent took a math test for a student?  No, a student must come to school and take his test without his parents.

I was reminded of this fine balance this past weekend.  My neighbor is changing his landscape a bit.  He was cutting down some small trees, but he left one.  I asked him why he left it there, and he let me know there was a robin with a nest in that tree.  He showed me the next, and I found three baby robins with about five feathers each.  Otherwise, they just had skin on them.  Amazing!  They were the epitome of dependent.  Depending on mom for everything.  The birds will gain independence as they get older, but there will still be a balance to their life.

Matthew writes about the importance of being dependent as a child of God.  I think he clearly sees where that balance is important:  “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?”  Matthew 6:26  The birds are dependent on God for their daily living.  We should be too.  He cares that much about us.

Family Discussion Points!

Look around your yard for bird’s nests.  See if you can find any babies, but don’t mess up their nests at all.

Talk about independence and dependence.  Who is more of one or the other in your family?

How does dependence on God change your life?  Is it changed for the better or worse?

Partners in Parenting

“The Most Important Question!”

Last week, in Partners in Parenting, I shared how I had a procedure done to close a hole in my heart.  I also explained things a little bit to the students on our morning news so that they could understand how incredible God has made us.  I told the students that they had a camera inside my heart during the entire procedure.  A first grader asked his teacher, “Did they see the word ‘Jesus’ in his heart?”  How precious is that!!!  BUT how right is the question.  Ultimately, it is the most important question for all of us:  Is Jesus in our heart? 

That question reminded me of Jesus talking about himself being the vine, and we are the branches.  He talks about a relationship with Him being “in” us and us being “in” Him.  It is only possible to have Jesus in us through a faith relationship with Him.  The faith that finds him in our heart also finds us in His heart.  That is something only faith can produce.  Is Jesus in your heart?  Any other question isn’t as important as that!  [Jesus said] “Remain in me, and I will remain in you…” John 15:4a

 Family Discussion Points!

Have every person ask one other family member a question about their day.  Then, compare those questions to the question, “Is Jesus in your heart?”  What question is most important?

Remind everyone that Jesus being in our heart has everything to do with faith, not what we have done. 

Partners in Parenting

“A Reminder in My Pocket!”

A few years ago, I did a chapel service with the students about things I carry in my pockets at all times.  You can ask them if they remember.  I’m sure some students will.  This last week, I was reminded of how important one item is as a constant reminder to me.  In my right pocket is almost always a pocket knife.  It is a tool I use most every day for at least one thing – usually many things.  My pocket knife is very sharp.  It’s “sharpness” makes it effective for the task I use it to accomplish.  It’s “sharpness” also makes it a potential danger if I am not careful.  Each time I use it, I am reminded of James 3:1-12 that talks about taming the tongue.  The verse I especially remember is James 3:10:  “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers, this should not be.”  Words can be like my pocket knife – very helpful and good.  Words can also be like my pocket knife – very hurtful and bad.  Now, we all use knives in the kitchen when we cook.  Maybe you could share this the next time you eat together and discuss the helpful and harmful abilities of the words we choose.  (By the way, left pocket = keys and chap stick; right pocket = pocket knife and floss, but it used to be a pocket knife and pocket cross until I lost the cross.  That is what kids might remember!)

Family Discussion Points!

Discuss the positive uses of a knife when cooking.

Discuss the one potential danger of using a knife when cooking.

How is the tongue (or our words to others) filled with positive and dangerous potential?